REVIEW

Marope Re Ya MaJa - Luv Ur Hood Spring Session

So the Spring installment of that uber hip hop platform Luv Ur Hood finally took place over the Heritage Day weekend. And as they love to say this side of the equator, rune re ya phapha, which means ‘we are tjatjarag’ – which means we are quick on our feet and there was no way we were not going to be there – an hour earlier as if we needed a set-up and soundcheck. Themed Marope Re Ya MaJa – which actually has no English definition but has a lot to do with some protein rich indigenous herb being munched – the session lived beyond expectations.

Freshly pimped into the pages of HYPE Magazine, which also recognised that there’s no way one can talk about Mpumalanga hip hop, especially the development phase of it without mentioning this seminal session, the Luv Ur Hood brand owners Hlompho ‘Masta H-Lepulana’ Lekhuleni and Khutso ‘Katsuko’ Malele were at their element. Among the hordes of those who flocked to the session the dodgy faces were still dodgy, the familiar ones were rocking bonkers, the shy ones (like emcee Software) were still waiting for darkness to fall so that they can flip their rhymes, the b-boys, who for a reason known to fans are called the bourgeois were tossing it up.

To a larger extent the b-boys stole a sizeable portion of the show. Ladies love them too. The Luv Ur Hood patrons have a tendency to enjoy observing emcees spit venom from a comfortable twenty metres. Maybe it’s a side-effect of strong speakers which rob the fans of an incentive to be closer to stage. Maybe they’ve got serious hearing problems (sensitive) caused by too much 2010FIFA World Cup vuvuzela blowing.

An interesting display of skill was from a rap crew from Graskop (that’s AB-Crazy’s G-Town if you’ve never been to this town with only one season) which flowed over AB’s Mama We Made it beat. There was too much love given to AB-Crazy whose songs from his Gossip Folks Mixtape alternated with EMINEM, Prokid, Drake, Kanye West, AKA, H2O, Rick Ross throughout the whole afternoon.

However the best way to see patrons coming closer to the stage and flipping their cellphones to record proceedings is when there are b-boys twisting their torsos to crunk beats and yelling from Uncle Lil John and his soundalikes.

However there’s no Luv Ur Hood without the emcees who come out at every session to blow their lungs out in languages that make South Africa’s constitution look seriously flawed. You count them, 3G, H-Lepulana, Mr Do, Caliber, Math, Zero, Chiggz, Dialetic, Kfbee, Vulga G, Respo 87, DJ Sparkle, Katsuko, Black Pear etc flip the script you’ll swear there was some drunk during CODESA. Sepulana se kae ga diofficial languages [where’s Sepulana among the so-called official languages?]

This time the session was so ‘over-subscribed’ that it had to extend hours until 19h00 – that was five hours of raw hip hop and b-boyying right there. And people were still yelling when a wrap was called.

An element that stole the hearts of many people this time was the first real cipher in a long time. Two rappers battled each other; first in vernacular until the other rapper settled for English which made it worse since the vernac rapper had the crowd on his back and he had them in stitches. The climax of the cipher did not come when the beat died but when the last word was, “you don’t even have a girlfriend you masturbate with Rama (bread fat spread)” was uttered.

Katsuko and H-Lepulana say the next installment is in December and it if this Spring one was anything to go by it promises to be a real blast.

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REVIEW

The White Trash Rapper’s Final Goodbye? – The Recovery LP Review

The New York Times’ culture writer Jon Caramanica shredded Eminem’s latest attempt to regain pop glory as feeling like shtick. He was unkind enough to write-off Marshall Matthers to ‘a passive and sluggish consumer of pop culture’. This was written in a tone that suggested that his days of being producer are finished. Well, as they say in democracies, everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion and whether you like it or not you have to be ready to lay down your life to defend their right to express it. They say a ‘critic is a person who knows the road but can not drive the car’.

I listened to Recovery (Aftermath/Interscope), Eminem’s latest attempt at putting his demons to rest and I feel I should say that while it is not Eminem’s best work, it sounds like his most noble attempt at reconnecting with his inner self and his fans. In one sentence I can truly say that the whole Eminem album is more like that annoying punchline, “I am whoever I say I am/ and if I wasn’t why would I say I am”. In this album which sounds like the first pit stop from rehab Eminem is finally having that overdue conversation with himself. And while it’s not silent some of what goes on in the head of a successful megastar on prescription drugs makes quite a lot of noise.

How many rappers have ever admitted to having jealousy for the success of others in that confession box tone that should take Em some soul-searching to admit that, as Jigga said in Lost Ones, ‘we forgot what we came for’. Matthers will be the frist to admit that when he signed with Aftermath there was nothing in his mind that suggested he was in the game to compete. He was in it to escape the caravan parks of lower Detroit where a city built on the strength of an automobile industry was still failing to bail trash whites from the discomfort of caravan parks.

A few meals, couple pills, cases of malt, a messy divorce later and an estrangement from family that he has exploited all the way to the bank he finally admits that he was jealous of Lil Wayne and all the attention he was getting. However true to the new Em, he goes on to feature Wizzy in a joint that authenticates his admiration for the jailed rapper. On the same tone he is man enough to say he feels love for Kanye, Wayne, Jigga and all the other cats who are making good music. Do you remember the Em who trashed everyone from Britney, Vanilla Ice, ‘N Sync and even his own mother?

It is collaboration with others that make this Em album one of his all time best. He even takes it back to the Marshall Matthers LP years by singing most of his own hooks – even though Rihanna bails him out as well. Okay he admits in Talking 2 Myself, “Them last two albums didn’t count/ Encore’ I was on drugs/‘Relapse’ I was flushing them out.” It’s such lack of economy with the truth that makes Em fans to revere him most. But while he would claim Relapse was his detox album it had beautiful jams such as Beautiful. What might have hurt the LP could be his never-ending fascination with trash-rapping and negative-name-calling of people at the top of their game.

When he tried to trash Mariah Carey she retaliated with a killer jam where she asked, “why you so obsessed with me”, featuring Gucci Mane. The video treatment was just a spat on the face of the Detroit rapper, portraying him as attention-seeking and love-struck.

However with Recovery he tries to be civil again – as if he knows what that means. Gone are his jabs on Christopher Reeve and Christina Aguillera. He only flirtingly mentions Mariah. He sounds like a man who’s done name calling and now just wants to be remembered as the white rapper who flipped the script.

Listening to this album gives one a sense of an exit. It all sounds as if Eminem has just said his goodbyes and we won’t be hearing from him ever. His themes sound to have had their run. Rapping about drug and alcohol binges might have hit the right cord with people frustrated by 9/11 but now the listeners want rappers with swag, not drag.

While it will be advisable for him to cut his losses and disappear into oblivion. He still has one more card to play – self destruction; cross fingers that it shouldn’t become the title of his next album. He self-praises in No Love, “Cold hearted/ from the day I Bogarted the game, my soul started to rot, fellow/ When I’m not even at my harshest/ you can still get roasted cause Marsh is not mellow".

This is the album to have if you’ve ever had to listen to yourself and never liked the sound of your own thoughts. Maybe unlike Jigga said, “if you can’t respect this your whole perspective is whack/ maybe we’ll love Em when he fades to black”

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NEWS

The New Testament - AB-Crazy the King

The biblical Abraham was a patriarch who had no place to call home. He was forever searching for fresh grazing fields for his large livestock. It is now on biblical record that Abraham became the great grandfather to the Messiah, the son of Joseph and Mary and the Son of God. Christians say it is only through him that human beings can reach God and sleep with faith that their prayers have been heard.

Co-incidentally Mpumalanga’s own hip-hop exponent and rapper Abraham Dibakwane (23) fits the profile of the travelling man who told his girlfriend that he will be gone ‘til November in Wycleff Jean’s Gone Til November song. Abraham, popularly known for his stage name of AB-Crazy’s production outfit Octave Couplet has been nominated for a Channel O Music Award. Channel O is the premier music channel in South Afrika with a variety of sounds for every genre in Afrika. The award nomination follows shortly after they scooped the flagship hip hop publication Hype Magazine Award for the best production crew early this year.

AB-Crazy has already worked with and done some production on mainstream releases of many hip hop heavyweights in South Afrika. “Amongst those that I have worked with is Khuli Chana (TheMotswakoOriginator), HHP (Acceptance Speech), Tear Gas, Molemi and many others”, says AB. Of the prominent groups he has worked with Khuli Chana went on to scoop the Hype Best Newcomer Award - so in a way it was AB's night. About the experience Chana told Hype, "I was dragging my feet. We were in the parking lot about to go into the venue. I didn't miss the moment thanks to Don Juan (Octave Couplet). He had me on speaker phone when my category was announced. I didn't know my category would be the first one up for the evening. I was listening on my speaker phone when they announced my name. I lost my mind and wasted more time celebrating".

AB's versatility as the man infront and behind the mike was noticed during the 2010 FIFA World Cup opening game between South Afrika and Mexico. It was at a fan park in Thulamahashe where he performed with his rap crew where they sang We Win Again. “That helped expose him to the public as a producer and rapper. It also was one of his biggest pay cheque”, adds his agent Tumisho Malomane, who is the former manager of indie rap label Warfare Entertainment.

AB is known for his habitual use of classic samples to give his sound a unique 70’s and 80’s feel. His repertoire includes hits sampling artists from the Motown era and beyond. However his use of samples is not limited to overseas icons as he also does justice to hits from the Sophiatown generation like Letta Mbulu and Caiphus Semenya. Some people are cynical when they get told that Octave Couplet did the first Forever Young before Jay-Z had his on the charts.

Some music pundits have compared AB's artistry and production skills to those of US’ Kanye West and Pharrel Williams. They wonder how loony he'll go behind a G-Series if he was afforded the opportunity to work behind such a celebrated sound board. “The advantage that AB has is that he sings quite well too. So ontop of being an award-winning hitmaker he also provides hooks to musicians”, adds Malomane. AB's other advantage is being an Afrikan where music is part of the cultural heritage and every season - pain, joy, excitement and trauma.

His singing skills become more evident in Sabie artist Flexi’s debut CD Flexibility, his own Gossip Folks Mixtape and a number of songs he produced for his brother Kopano ‘KP’ Dibakwane. “I wanna make it big like Pavarotti/ and switch from a Black Label to a Peroni”, he says in his song Gossip Folks. While braggadocious lyrics are his hallmark, it's not on such songs that his skill stands tall but on some of his heartfelt deliveries with his mother as the theme. "Enough talking about my mother being in hospital/ i'm on Hype Magazine why don't you talk about me", he flows in a nasal tone reminiscent of the US Southern drawl.

He already has in his stable a Lydenburg based Sepedi rapper named Oscar and isiSwati’s Flexi. Oscar tends to romanticize soulful beats and lacks the vulgarity of KP. Exhibit would have said he 'fails to strangle a beat'. “Our plan is to release an album titled Homecoming this year and target the mass market”, says Malomane who says AB’s G-Town hit, a dedication to Graskop might also be included in the album.

The Gossip Folks Mixtape was sold out within a month of its release. “Homecoming will be my first mainstream release after a few years of making hits for South Africa’s heavy hitters”, AB says. AB often says he's the New Testament and it seems he's not bluffing. He also brags that hip hop is an old school and he's the new student 'i'm so profound just check my profile'.

He is confident that when his Octave Couplet outfit mounts that stage in November to accept the Channel O award, the whole province will be behind him – the same way it supported Sdunkero when he controversially scooped Best House album at the South African Music Awards. You can swear he'll be gone til November and return home with an award!

Homecoming will be out in a few month's time. Start saving that money and support local music.



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NEWS

Once Upon An Accident...

This past Saturday was one of those horrible days you don't want to remember the following day. It starts well until I listen to radio and hear on the news that there has been an accident and four people are dead. The newsreader glosses over the story as if it was a weather forecast. Well, we all know that newsreaders are not journalists so the emotion attached to the story does not really rub off on them. So, just as I'm digesting the details I get an text message on my cellphone that the Member of Executive Council for Mpumalanga, in charge of Education, Reginah Mhaule will visit the hospital where the injured are being taken care of.

Now, what I failed to tell you is that the accident involved a train and a bus ferrying learners who went on an outing to Pretoria (capital city of this country). They have been to the zoo, the Union Buildings and various tourist spots in the capital. And to make matters worse they were less than fifty kilometres to their destination after travelling roughly 500 kilometres unscathed.

Now, the news are that the bus was hit by the train at a level crossing. That worried me because the point behind a level crossing is to allow a train to pass since it can not make way for a car. Okay, the gist of the matter is that people died, some were injured and some escaped with trauma.

Now, I went to the Mapulaneng Hospital at 14h30 to cover the MEC's visit to the wounded. Ja, the people were pretty bruised, fractured bones, darkened foreheada. You just didn't want to be in their place. The MEC was accompanied by a pastor who prayed for every patient while the large entourage from education stakeholders bowed their heads.

After the visit the MEC left. Then another MEC, this time for Public Roads and Transport Dr Clifford Mukansi arrived, flanked by the mayor of the municipality where the accident happened. Now, what was refreshing is that Mukansi is a doctor by profession so his tour of the ward was informative. He spoke with the nursing staff, requesed to see the X-ray pictures to assess the injuries, enquired about medication they have been placed on and the availability of a doctor to take care of them.

The sister who was helping him comprehend the situation also had excellent comprehension of her work. She knew how to answer questions. I could see the doctor smiling - and I reckoned she fancied her working for him in the event that he decided to go back into medicine.

The tour ended well with information having been shared between the MEC and the hospital staff. And me as the guy from the media actually gained a lot from 'this' exercise unlike the first one. I had a convo with the MEC and we ended up crafting quite a good story for the newspaper.

Then on my way back home, I saw another car accident. A taxi and a bakkie had collided at a corner where six other accidents have happened over the last six years. I couldn't wait to ask if anybody died - it was just too horrible for me to be inquisitive. I couldn't ask, the same way I didn't ask when I was told that the day earlier, barely 200 metres from there a bus hit a person and killed her/him - nobody's sure since the corspse was covered.

I lacked the enthusiasm. It's not nice reporting on dead people, especially when that dead person could have been you. Ja neh, then late at night on Sunday I have a chat with my friend who works for the traffic department to find our where were they when some of these things happened. He told me that they have been told that the department does not have money to pay for overtime - which is weekends. And to think that weekends are the busiest time of the week. Ja neh!

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ARTS

Nkoto Malebye - Growing Branches with juicy fruitage

Mudaland funk music group Kwani Experience front lady Nkoto Malebye extending her branches by grooming a youth drama outfit to take over the world. The children, whose ages range between six and thirteen staged their premiere stage play at Narishe Primary School, a school whose staff component went through her grandmother's hands as a principal in another school.

The musical, which is divided into sub-genres of poetry, public speaking, dance and praise takes the children through self-inspiration that Nkoto says should groom them into responsible and proud African children. There are strong elements of Black Consciousness in the self-motivation that preludes the play. And the children looked very jovial and inspired at the premiere.

Nkoto is a graduate of the prestigious National School of the Arts (NSA) and a sought-after actor at the Market Theatre where she has starred in various plays, most notably Soweto Story alongside Aubrey Pooe. It was directed by veteran Malcolm Purkey who Nkoto says mentored her a lot as he advised her to find an agent who would scout auditions for her instead of her hoping to be unearthed in a disorganised fashion.

“I named this group Bana Ba Bongi (Children of Bongi) after my grandmother and mother who were both teachers and community builders. I feel that it’s my way of continuing that legacy”, she told the tens of first time patrons gathered before the inaugural gig. She has been funding the group from her pocket since it started and hopes to secure a sustainable funding model, even if it means a benefactor businessman or non-governmental funder.

Bana Ba Bongi were outstanding in their execution of the musical given that this is a sub-genre which is more difficult in the performance arts. It's not as straight forward as memorising your lines and rendering them infront of another character but often demands music skills. Assistant trainer Zakhona Mogane of Arts Explosion fame promised the parents attending that they should feel confident about their children not risking going astray.

“We put emphasis on teaching these kids about a religious lifestyle, about pride in themselves and respecting parents and society at large”, she said, adding that it is not only performance but life-skills as well which gets inculcated.

Patrons who attended the premiere included cosmetics entrepreneur Valerie Coglin who said she was impressed by the work that Nkoto and her troupe were doing. She added that there needs to be more emphasis on using the arts to transfer indigenous knowledge to the children as the future was with them.

Nkoto requested organisations and businesspeople committed to the arts to help by chirping in with funds to sustain the activities of the group. “Next month we must take them to Durban to perform and we would appreciate any help we can get”, she said.

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NEWS

The Freedom Charter Has Been Shredded

During the weekend of June 26, 2010, a ball named Jabulani and twenty-two men from Ghana and the United States of America stole the thunder from under an important milestone. Many people will be surprised to learn that it was the 55^th anniversary of that historical event when a document that by default became the African National Congress blueprint was founded at the Congress of the People in Kliptown. That was the day South Africans finally gave their vision a name and a preamble. It was that dream which culminated with 27 April 1994, which incidentally became Freedom Day.

If FIFA took the World Cup to Israel on October 2014 you bet your last dime the spectacle would come to a halt to make way for the celebration of Yom Kippur Day.

The apathy that is recently shown towards the Freedom Charter as the founding document of this country’s democracy is somehow reflected in how some proponents of it ridicule its stipulations at every given opportunity. What was envisaged that cold winter day seems to be drifting away from ‘we the people of South Africa’ with every passing election.

In a speech by former President Thabo Mbeki nineteen years ago he said, “The struggle that we waged over the decades has been directed precisely… at ending white minority rule and realizing the perspective contained in the Freedom Charter that no government can justify authority unless it is based on the will of the people”. However recent developments in various provinces indicate that the authority in those spaces is not based on the will of the people.

Quite telling is the situation whereby political infighting in the ruling party has a direct barring on provision of service to the people. Such an attitude of elevating the political party above the people became apparent when Reconciliation Day in 2007 was not commemorated because the ANC was engaged in its civil war at Polokwane. The question was; why can’t the people be allowed to commemorate this important day while the ANC is engaged in its battles? When did the ANC become ‘government’ instead of ruling party?

Such instances have seen provinces such as Mpumalanga experiencing service delivery protests partly emanating from party squabbles. At Bushbuckridge Municipality an ANC ward councilor who won an SACP position by beating an ANC mayor was reportedly punished with incapacity. A regional manager was appointed ‘to frustrate his efforts’ to develop the ward and make him unpopular at the next SACP elective conference. It meant five years of two bulls fighting much to the detriment of the people.

Recently Bushbuckridge Municipality suspended its municipal manager Canzi Lisa accusing him of gross incompetence. Allegations, which Mayor Milton Moreme refuted are that Lisa refused to allocate tenders to companies submitted to him by the local ANC leadership.

The Freedom Charter did not mince words on governance that it should be ‘the people’, not ruling party elites. It never advocated for a hierarchy whereby councilors took instructions from political bosses and not the electorate.

Such a telling situation confronted the Democratic Alliance in the Cape Metro with the pit toilet saga. Mayor Dan Plato alleged that ‘the people’ chose the toilet model. The Human Rights Commission argued that the Metro shouldn’t treat the right to sanitation as a privilege. When the ANCYL demolished the corrugated structures it claimed that it was ‘the people’ protesting against shoddy infrastructure. But what were ‘the people’ saying? Nobody asked them – so nobody knows.

Recent developments indicate that ‘the people’ no longer really matter. The ANC’s Imvuselelo campaign is a case in point. The party goes out unashamedly to get one million kilograms of voting fodder. It does not seek one million unemployed youth to train and employ.

Today there are ANC members who have never read the Freedom Charter. Remember, the Pan Africanist Congress of Azania split was rooted on differences between nationalists and charterists. It seems currently there are no longer charterists nor nationalists in the organisation. Only a fraction of what was advocated has been realised because for a reason known to successive leaderships the document fails to inform genuine government policy.

It advocated that “All people shall be entitled to take part in the administration of the country;” however you now have the Cadre Deployment Programme which has placed in strategic positions comrades who can not successfully get through the eye of the needle. The programme is not informed by a Cadre Skills Database the party has but mere loyalty.

Some are placed to undermine the stipulation about all people sharing in the wealth of the country. In an interview given to SABC TV during the 2009 election campaign ANC Secretary-General Gwede Mantashe shared a scenario of an old comrade who is introduced to decision makers in government to access business (obviously tenders). Mantashe labeled such a corrupt practice ‘facilitating’.

Unfortunately the party which should realise the charter is split into two; those who join to access business and those who genuinely want to advocate for a better life for all. The former are the ones who love to shout about the ANC going to be in power until Jesus Christ comes back. This means by hook or crook, even when the people no longer want it. The people have become secondary while the ANC should find being voted out not such a bad idea as long as that will accelerate the realization of the charter.

“And we pledge ourselves to strive together, sparing neither strength nor courage, until the democratic changes here set out have been won.”, it says in finality. That’s the challenge that faces the ANC as observers already allege that once the glue that holds the broad church together named Jacob Zuma is gone – the church is headed for a painful ideological split.

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NEWS

The King Is Dead, Long Live the King!

The 2010 FIFA World Cup tournament here in South Afrika has in a way overshadowed the first anniversary of the King of Pop, Michael Jackson's death. The King died last year from what has been claimed by not only conspiracy theorists but also prosecutors to be an overdose of prescription pills. Well, we know by now that his doctor has been charged with 'involuntary' manslaughter - for those in these Southern shores it's something similar to culpable homicide.

Just this week US tabloid magazines claimed that the King died being financially broke. It is interesting how much 'locked' potential people have while they are still alive. I mean, in most cultures, recently in Black culture there is this tendency whereby family members take out policies and have their unwell members as beneficiaries. I'm not that schooled in this but I guess it's similar to the fact that if I die the policy holder reaps massive rewards, which is what happens when the bearer dies as well.

So, you have these family members who live in squalor for the better part of their lives, die broke but enrich those who remain behind. The testimony of money making serious rounds starts showing when the memorial service has a catering company pushing invoices, there is bottled water distributed to mourners and the PAY PER HOUR pastor whose charisma is now called - in hip-hop circles 'swagger'.

Then on the funeral day you will see the dome blue or black casket, the shiny hearse, the black convoy and the expensive procession made up of Gucci suits and Louis Vittone handbags. The graveyard is characterised by Blackberry phones and people Facebooking what is happening to their friends at home.

Then the poor sod is buried and on Monday his/her ID and Death Certificate are a contest. Some relatives who never contributed to the medical bill and the funeral want to have access to the documents to claim their multi-million rand policy payouts. You live poor, die poor at a government hospital but get buried like a king.

Okay, so they say that Michael Jackson made R1 billion in one year of his death. That's bloody $100 million. No one is saying exactly how that happened. Some are claiming sales of his music from his massive catalogue. He owns the Beatles catalogue which he had not exploited by the time of his death. If the King has made a bloody billion before that one wonders how much was the King really worth when he passed away. Is it possible that he was the richest broke cat of all times?

Elvis Presley, another King and Michael's former father-in-law is still coining it decades after he expired. How Elvis manages to be relevant beats me. All I've heard is that the sod only performed once out of the United States of America and his music is as available as water in Saudi Arabia. 'Always on my Mind' is the one most known because it has been sucked to the bone. We know he was the Bobby Brown of the '60s - literally.

But then this post was about remembering the King. And so, the King has been remembered - one year on

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REVIEW

Her Majesty’s Own Terrorist – 'Bond, James Bond'

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about what constitutes a terrorist. After twenty months of researching I have come to a conclusion that a terrorist is anyone who uses terror to get the compliance of others. In this context you get sods like UNITA, RENAMO, SADF, Mossad, CIA, KGB, Cheka, Stasi etc. any organisation or individual who uses terror to get their ends is a terrorist.

Now, when I was growing up we were orientated to celebrate outlaws. On the film First Blood I, II, III and all the Rambo films we were made to believe that mercenaries and terrorist were the in-thing. Do you remember how Chuck Norris would cause havoc, damaging property worth billions and later being honoured by his government?

You name them, Full Metal Jacket, Mission to Vietnam etc. Okay, those were war films which celebrated the role played by US mercenaries who wreaked havoc in foreign countries, distabilising them. It was art imitating life since at that time the same mercenaries were blowing railway lines in Angola, Mozambique, Cambodia, Cuba and Zaire.

Now my favourite has to be the celebrated terrorists. Some years ago an Australian television company wanted to expose the hypocrisy of world security establishments when it comes to stereotyping ‘terrorists’.

They say ‘terrorist’ you see a turbaned-long-bearded man wearing a sarong, keffiah and marching on sandals. You see someone with a bomb belt filled with spikes, TNT and a detonator. You seeing someone belonging to an Al Aqsa Martyrs Brigade.

Until the Israelis showed you terrorist who don’t even pack suicide belts but cradle tennis rackets. A bunch of terrorists who wear suits and use poison instead of explosives.

Those are the James Bond styled terrorist. I am going to say it, everyone has their own terrorist. Queen Elizabeth has that suave killer in Her Majesty’s Secret Service. Mr Bond kills people, he shoots them between the eyes. He’s a philanderer, he sleeps with anything on legs and does not hesitate strangling it immediately after he orgasms.

He runs across cities in his Aston Martin, planting bombs and killing innocents. He robs countries of leaders, families of fathers and poor countries of their only infrastructure.

He uses terror on the left while his country’s diplomat exert pressure on the right. He threatens to poison the tea fields of Sri Lanka and hamper their export while his government is negotiating a cheaper deal for their tea importing companies. In my book that’s bloody terrorism.

But why is he not classified as such? Because unlike the vuvuzela, he originates in some god-forsaken island that was lucky to arrive at every country they colonized while the natives were sleeping. I can’t help but think of those funny accents – the James Bond accent. Bloody terrorist!

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NEWS

June 16, 2010

President Jacob Zuma is accompanied by his minister Collins Chabane, Mpumalanga Premier David Mabuza, NYDA Chairperson Andile Lungisa and me (hahaha)

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