DEAD PRESIDENT

President Assassination Attempt

HUYAN - President Yulaf Moudihfa survived an assassination attempt on Friday night after he was poisoned while touring the Imnula slums (above), in the outskirts of the city.

According to spokesperson for the presidency Maliu Sihuyam the president was in Imnula as part of his election campaign ahead of the August 2008 general elections. He is expected to run again for a third term as the country's president. "The campaign doctor and our team rushed Mister Moudihfa to One Military Hospital after he complained of constipation and high fever. He was admitted in the Intensive Care Unit for overnight observation", said Sihuyam.

Doctor Greuna Louhat told News@Ten that food poisoning was diagnosed as the cause of Moudihfa's life-threatening condition. "We kept him for observation after our toxicologist managed to flush the poison which we identified as cyanide", he said.

Meanwhile all the vendors in the slums have been rounded up by agents from both the Internal Intelligence Organisation, Police Intelligence and Military Intelligence in what is said by observers as a violation of human rights. "The military and the intelligence has a history of detaining people without trial over mere allegations. I will be surprised if human rights organisations do not take the government to task over this arbitrary arrests", said Professor Fulawi Slukila of the University of Huyan.

Amnesty International demanded, from London in Britain that all detainees be either charged or released with immediate effect.

President Moudihfa was resting at home with his wife, said his press secretary Ilyuna Zihjui. - news@ten

Food Taster for Moudihfa?

HUYAN - There have been calls for all President Yulaf Moudihfa's food to be tasted by a special food taster since he was hospitalised over the weeked for food poisoning. He has since resumed his duties at State House.

Moudihfa's doctor, Greuna Louhat told News@Ten that the incident in the outskirts of the city have indicated how vulnerable Moudihfa is to outside toxins and that it would be useful to him to hire a special cooking staff and a food taster to mitigate chances of the incident happening again.

"Look, the president randomly picked a slice of pineapple as a symbol of support for the vendors in the slums and the next thing he was near-death. Nobody knows where enemies of our republic are hiding and it will be useful from now on to have a professional food taster", Louhat warned.

Such a suggestion has been welcomed by the Secretary of Intelligence Myulan Suwur who added that his office was already working on the fine print for such a person, who he said will obviously need to undergo a background check and security briefing.

Human Rights organisations have joined other civil society structures in calling for Moudihfa not to run for a third term but to allow a new candidate to emerge from within his party or the opposition parties "This suggestion of food tasters is a waste of time and money since nobody is above death. Even the greatest nation in the world was conquired on September 11, 2001. That money should be used to build the slum dwellers proper housing and to provide sanitation", argued Jwelo Novui of the Forum for Huyan NGOs.

Still, for such to happen, the government will still need to take it to parliament where it is suspected it will face stiff competition from opposition benches. - news@ten

Bill Passed Amid Protests

HUYAN - The Huyan Revolutionary Council has pushed through parliament a Bill aimed at creating a special Food Tasting Unit to be attached to the Presidency of Yulaf Moudihfa.

Opposition parties were left complaining after the deputy president casted his deciding vote to unlock a tie that saw a split in the 200 member house to block the controversial bill. HRC won by 201 to 200, enough for the bill to be passed and president Moudihfa to make it law.

Presidential spokesperson Maliu Sihuyam said it was victory for slum dwellers since many members of this controversial FTU will be drawn from them. "This will result in massive employment of the peasant population of our country. It is reason enough to vote for Moudihfa for a third term since about 30 slum dwellers will move into the H$49000 per annum job with immediate effect", he told the foreign press.

Human Rights Watch has voiced its concern that as it is the case with the military and police, the people who get hired for Huyan's dangerous jobs always come from the slums. "It is a sign that this government does not value the lives of slum dwellers", HRW said in a statement released from the World Economic Forum meeting in Davos (Switzerland)

THE HUYAN PRESIDENCY

Executive Food Tasters (30)
Job Title: Executive Food Taster, EFT
Reporting to: Head Food Tasting Unit
Qualifications:
*Minimum Pre-school Certificate or an equivalent
EXPERIENCE:
*Extensive experience in slum food vending
*Experience in gluttony and starvation
*Experience in unemployment (at least 10-years unemployed)
*Experience in customer relations

KEY PERFORMANCE AREAS
*Tasting the food of the President two hours before he eats
*Developing a Food Tasting Strategy
*Recruiting, selection and placement of food tasting staff
*Assist in the protection of the president through prior poison detection

SKILLS AND PERSONAL QUALITIES
*Knowledge of poisons and food
*A healthy tongue
*Street vending skills
*Recruitment and lying qualities
*Suspicious mind
*Valid Driver's License

SALARY:
H$ 49 000 per annum, including 13th cheque and other benefits as stipulated in the Employment Benefit Act

CLOSING DATE: 31 July 2008 at 13h00
CONTACT PERSON:
Interested persons can forward their applications, CVs, together with certified copies of certificates to:
Mr Maliu Sihuyam, The Presidency
Tel: +10393 913 0035
E-mail: msihuyam@presidency.hrc.hn