4/2/10

REVIEW

Crime and Punishment (oops, Correction) – undressing wordsetc

The first quarter of 2010 ushered in the literary community another tight installment of wordsetc – that kid journal which is gradually growing into an adult. wordsetc aspires, justifiably so, to be the number one South African Literary Journal – the authority, the Bible in the same vein as the South African Medical Journal or Harvard Law Review. For this crisp read to become that heavyweight it needs to feature as many cross-cultural reads and content as possible. It needs to be a mirror that when a literature heads looks at sees white, blue, yellow, black, orange, white, Coloured, unColoured, red and Indian. This issue does that and even goes beyond. Actually eighteen contributors took their brushes and painted on this canvas.

Those who remember the early stages of this journal will reminisce about how we were so afraid that given that it only carried wine ads it risked dying of advertising malnutrition – today the wine I see the most is the one I want to win – Meerlust 2003 Pinot Noir.

That possibility still exists, even post-recession – however I feel that wordsetc has gradually become one of the reads which if the publishers decided to pull a Barcelona FC stunt and seek its fans to dig deep into their pockets to keep it on life support, I will be one of the first people to do so – and I believe that those who have had the privilege of tenders will just close their eyes and pop a million – instead of keeping wordsetc on life support we can take it to a racing track and make it spoil Caster Semenya’s 800 marathon record.

So, to Bra Phakama, the baby has been adopted by the community and it has ceased being yours alone but your brainchild. We are all now the godparents of wordsetc.

Enough about trying to sound educated; this issue of the journal has writers who come from different social background and who write about subjects intimate to them. The journal is no longer about authors’ profiles and book reviews only. If the last issues you had were those banal ones maybe it’s time you contemplated subscribing.

The issue under review has a warm article about what was inarguably our pastime as kids stressed by apartheid policies – reading and sharing crime novels. Justice Malala tackles this subject with the passion of a Japanese in a sushi bar. He takes readers through what one can call ‘Bantu education nostalgia’. True, if there’s one thing black people under apartheid did well was that they read anything that was put infront of them. Darkies under apartheid were more informed than our born-frees and those who inherited a transition.

I remember how I read most of the books Malala touched on and even went to the genre of espionage with Jack Higgins and John Le Carre.

After evoking a sense of nostalgia through the deliberate emphasis on the famed James Hadley Chase novel collection, Malala indicts the current crop of people claiming to be journalists, “every time I see journalists being lazy, I think about Chase. He never stopped. That is why I never stop”. Chase wrote so many books under different pseudonyms at times.

The theme of this issue is CRIME. It is not a coincidence that the cover has magnificent author Margie Orford who is arguably the current Queen of Crime Fiction. Not only do you get to see her on the cover but there are at least eleven pages where she’s been reviewed and interviewed by both Sam Beckbessinger and Eva Hunter. It provides an opportunity to get into her head and discover her literary interests and what fuels her muse.

Overall, as I don’t intend to narrate everything in this installment I will just leave you with a few observations. One of my well-read friends read a story on page 16 titled With the Best Intentions and immediately asked me if there are constables who write such good short stories. Well, Andrew Brown is an advocate and a reservist sergeant in Cape Town. Even with or without such credentials he’s just a brilliant storyteller who mesmerized a well-read friend of mine to think he was on stakeout every night.

There is an article that attempts to unravel the mysteries of Russia, Unravelling Russia, [Bronwyn McLennan] and Timbuktu, Up the River Niger [Joanne Rushby]. There’s something about Chinese cuisine, Childhood Dreams, Served with Noodles [by Emma Chen], a look at crime and punishment (oops correction) [as told to Phakama Mbonambi], letters trying to unravel further mysteries [Thembelani Ngenelwa and Carla Chait] etc.

So, my advice to you, get yourself wordsetc. Someone said I never really review the journal [I’m not objective because I get if for free] because I never pick the warts. For sure, go pick me a wart on The Holy Quran and I will find you one in wordstec.

To subscribe go to subscriptions@wordsetc.co.za, to get those copies you missed info@wordsetc.co.za. Optionally go to their website at www.wordsetc.co.za
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3/31/10

NEWS

Where to from here?

There's a herdboy I have known since I was an eight years old. I saw him again last week. He looks 25 years old even though he is approaching 50 years. Now herdboys are not the smartest of folks. The only language they understand unreservedly is that of livestock. Herdboys can talk to animals in a language that is understood by both of them. They not only whistl but can call animals by their name and get responses.

If most herdboys could write good stories I reckon they would be the best storytellers. They would sweep all awards in the world, including Pulitzer. They have shepherded generations of livestock for ages. The one they are herding right now are probably the sixth generation from when they started as teenagers. What they have seen over many years is livestock they have seen is livestock they have named being killed for its meat. So, the always know that they are actually herding meat.

I still need to find one who is not stressed by life. Worse still I still need to find one who is a vegetarian. So, I pause and imagine that as a progressive country of all people we could have chosen to be our state president we just chose a fucking herdboy.

I can imagine herdboys of the future - when we have achieved our Millenium Development Goals relating to education. We want to cut illiteracy by 60 percent by 2012. Simply put we just want people to be able to read and write - probably sign their own names. I can forsee herdboys of the future with business cards titled 'HERDBOY' or 'HERDBOY-IN-CHIEF' or 'INTERN HERDBOY'. Add to that the fact that we will have herdboys who will be studying with UNISA for degrees since that vocation would not be something for illiterate rural boys of Nkandla and Qunu but a real career option for people aspiring to be livestock farmers.

I can now foresee a herdboy leaning against a giant sycamore tree with his Apple Mac connected to a 3G modem doing assignment for UNISA. I can forsee business opportunities, websites for herdboys titled http://www.herdboy.co.za/, and email addresses identifying some of them as gedleyihlekisa@herdboy.co.za. Okay, this post is meant to probe if this MDGs are in sync with our legacy of herding cattle with ambitions of one day becoming presidents. I bet you my last dime it's only in South Africa whereby a boy who grew up looking after cattle could rise to become a president. Nowhere in the world can such a 'miracle' happen.

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3/28/10

NEWS

You Got to be Kidding JuJu


Julius Malema arriving at Mapulaneng FET College for his brief stop in his way to a R50 million wedding
In what was seen as a futile effort to bolster the political career of embattled Bushbuckridge Local Municipality Executive Mayor Clr Milton Moreme, African National Congress Youth League president and serious retard Julius Malema two weeks ago read the Riot Act to people within the is own ANC who have been calling for the removal of the mayor.

Making sure he spoke in his trademark harsh tone, which has become a laughing instead of a threatening sentiment to his adversaries since Deborah Patta unmasked him, Malema accused fellow ANC members of doing such in drunken stupor. “Today after drinking beer and getting drunk we march and say we want to remove the mayor. If there’s any corruption happening with the mayor we talk about it in the ANC. If there’s a project that is unfinished we must bring it to the attention of the mayor. If there’s no water we don’t burn tyres and march, it’s old fashioned, we talk to the mayor. If there’s no work we let the mayor know that when such opportunities arise he must hire ANC volunteers because it’s them who go around putting up placards. Don’t burn tyres, we wait for his time to expire and we let him out” he shouted to wild applause from adoring fans so blinded by his rhetoric that they would ululate even if he farted on the microphone.

Moreme’s second term as a mayor of Bushbuckridge expires in 2011 and there is already factional wrangling over succession within the Bushbuckridge sub-region of the ANC. In what the youth league termed a Human Rights (March 21) rally Malema was in his defiant element, displaying delinquent behavior his supporters have come to expect from him. He started off by singing the song that has landed him in hot water, “Shoot the Boer”, reasoning that ‘we will never stop singing revolutionary songs. We must not allow Boers to tell us what to sing about. When they sing De La Rey we are not complaining”. [he has since been ordered to stop singing it by the High Court – his party is appealing the decision]


JuJu liaising with his comrade in arms, Milton Morema

In a prolonged vain attack he took pot-shots on the media, accusing it of being enemies of the revolution. “Vigilante journalists wrote a letter to the ANC leadership complaining about the ANCYL. Some of them don’t pay maintenance, I have papers and warrants for their arrests. We can’t allow this country to be run by journalists who write about our black leaders as they please. Who said whites don’t have their own stories. If we are not careful these people (media) will collapse the government”, he said to another wild applause before accusing the media of labeling (Nelson) Mandela a terrorist and insinuating that former ANCYL president Peter Mokaba died of AIDS. – The jury’s still out on this one.

He then touched on the contagious issue of nationalization, arguing that mining houses don’t leave flourishing communities in their wake but deserts after expropriating the mineral wealth – which is true. “South African minerals must benefit South Africans not Anglo American. These people will never agree on mineral wealth. We want the farms, they took them from us”, he went further. The then also demanded the nationalization of banks – something new from the magician politician.

Ending his forty five minutes rhetoric with his declaration to hate DA leader Helen Zille [because she’s white] he also attached the PAC [saying they don’t exist as a party] and COPE, alleging it’s a matter of time before he attends the funeral its COPE.

Excited Moreme promised the people that he will once again bring Malema to Bushbuckridge to kick-start local government elections in 2011.


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3/18/10

NEWS

The More Things Change…


The big question of the year is, ‘does calling some dodgy fun-loving political deployee a General, Colonel or Lieutenant deter their potential for corruption?’ Well, I’m one of those who choose to differ and swim against the tide. At least POPCRU agrees with me on this one. I believe that even if former Interpol boss Jackie Selebi was called General he would still (according to evidence led in court) have accepted that Italian suit from convicted drug pusher and ‘my friend finish and klaar’ Glen Agliotti. He would still have accepted brown envelopes marked ‘JS’ from a front company operated by Agliotti.

Now what’s this insinuation by the ‘Polokwane Lynch Mob (borrowed from UDM’ Bantu Holomisa)’ that they are reverting back to the old apartheid ranking system of the SAPS that put much emphasis on the militarization of the cops thus unleashing shady grey areas like detention without trial, torture, secret filing arrangements and existence of dodgy units like Special Branch and CCB? Why does Fikile Mbalula and his boss Nathi Mthethwa think that the nation is so stupid that they can’t see what’s going to happen next.

Okay, let me be cynical. We will have more incidences of doors being broken down in the still of the night without proper warrants and suspects being arrested and detained in secret gulags without visitation from lawyers and family. We’ll have more listening devices installed in Catholic confession boxes and more ‘undercover’ cops with forged identity cards claiming to work for Crime Intelligence roaming our crèches.

In short; we are drifting towards a police state. The SAPS, who, if Mthethwa has his way will be called SAP Force will have broader powers that will gradually steal our rights. Maybe I’m paranoid, but I have had a pistol pointed at me, my comrade and my grandmother by a Riot Unit (Internal Stability Division) maverick once and I can vividly remember the cold chill down my spine. It’s not funny even when such a cop lacks legitimacy. But now we have cops with legitimacy; we have a fucking democracy (god-forbid), we have an ignorant public that has forgotten how to light the fuse of a petrol bomb and the youth who were born into freedom they don’t know how it feels like to be denied to be yourself.

And now we are burdened with this new heavy police ranks. Mthethwa and the crowd say it is aimed at instilling discipline. I ask; why did soldiers, who are supposed to be poster-boys for discipline march to the Union Buildings last year? Why aren’t they, who have enjoyed these ranks for ages not disciplined? How does a new arrangement of existing alphabets (bureaucratic Scrabble) scientifically grant one discipline? Simply put, are the two politicians insinuating that Bheki Cele is so undisciplined that he needs to be called a General to act right?

Maybe I’m pointing fingers without proposing solutions. Okay; here we go;


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NEWS

Letter to the Minister

Dear Mr. Nathi,

I am a member of the SAPS with a constable rank. I have been a loyal hard-working constable for the past five years. Over these years me and my three colleagues in Crime Investigations have arrested 323 suspects with 208 ending up in prosecutions. 99 were struck off the roll when the families decided they wanted to settle them out of court and 16 are still pending and the prosecution assures us that they have a winnable case. But Mr. Nathi I’m still a constable.

I hear you talking about the new ranking system and as a member I am only worried that my dream of becoming a sergeant right away have been dashed as I need to be a Warrant Officer before that; which might take another five years. So I am likely to be a sergeant in 15 years time while I could have been one in ten, and worse under the old police system which only its ranking system you are bringing back I could have been a Lieutenant given my performance.

Under your system I know I’ll never be a General, no matter how hard I work because I don’t belong to the same political party as you. I know Commissioner, excuse me General Cele was never a policeman (rather allegedly lynched a policeman) so my prospects of being in charge of these brave uniformed men and women who most put their lives on the line are dashed right there.

Actually what you are saying is that even the constable who I graduated with, who has never arrested anyone except people caught for public drinking, who takes bribes to mediate cases and broker deals without opening a case, who sells our dockets to criminal syndicates, sells car parts from evidence kept a 13 and lends out guns from the evidence safe to criminals to commit more crimes, who is feared by the station commissioner, oops, commander by virtue of his union credentials might one day become my boss by virtue of his political affiliation.

He can sit down and do nothing but still end up a General. This Mr. Nathi, worries me a lot since it’s one of the reasons that Selebi couldn’t be arrested by us but the Scorpions (which you have since dissolved). It worries not only me but a lot of my colleagues who work hard to protect this democracy but stand no chance of being properly appraised because they don’t belong to your party.

Sir, you want to know why there is lack of discipline amongst our ranks? There are the reasons right there. Being disciplined has no rewards. Being loyal to a party has. The fact that discipline can’t buy me the General rank is reason enough for me to sell a docket, no matter what rank you give me – warrant officer or sergeant.

Rethink your strategy Mr. Nathi, if indeed discipline is the reason for this ranking system and not some sinister motive insinuated by Kasiekulture above.

Ooh sorry, I got to go, I am being called to beef up my colleagues at Protea Magistrate Court, apparently the school kids want to get Jub-Jub lynched. I would have loved to write a longer letter to you but duty calls.

Yours in Service
Disgruntled Constable


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3/17/10

SPOOF

A Vote for Jewish Spooks - for SAPS

Here are the Local Organising honchos yesterday denying claims in media that they have enlisted the help of the Israelis to help snuff out suspicious characters during the FIFA World Cup in a few months' time. I am reading the story and I am like, 'why would Rich Mkhondo even entertain denying such'. That is because given what the Mossad has just done with their CCTV film of how they go about their job - tennis racquet in tow I would rather feel safer knowing those dodgy Jews are watching over me than a bunch of guys who did six months at a god-forsaken college in the outskirts of Tshwane.

I mean my understanding of Mossad is that here you are dealing with career securocrats. Guys who have done two years intensive intelligence training. Given that some of them are former Golani Brigade corporals you know you have a combination for a World Cup security team. They spend two years learning how to open fish tins without a tin opener - using their bare incissors, how to drive for twenty kilometres on one litre of gas, how to trace people from Damascus to Dubai, how to forge English and French passports, how to kill using poison, a syringe and strangling. These are sods they tell you face dismissal from the School of David or is it Gideon if they made one mistake - as mistake as forgivable as blinking on stakeout.

And now some media, obviously impressed with the Made In Dubai film of the Mossad at work proposes that Israeli security firms have been hired to provide security and the LOC says, no ways. Come on; the SAPS spent months looking for one Collins Chauke when he was running a restaurant at the Promenade Centre in Nelspruit. And if my memory serves me well I even ate there once. I reckon the guys looking for Collin would have had a bite there and planned around how to arrest him while he was servind them 600grams rump steak. My friend says, 'i guess they even paused a minute when he came to check if they were still fine while they were strategising how to seal the border into Mozambique'.

And now the same sods, who can't be disciplined until you call them Colonels are supposed to convince me that 41000 of them at R645 million will give me a peaceful sleep. Let me ask; one mistake times forty one thousand equals what? My Math teacher told me 41000 mistakes.

And those 11 Mossad chaps made no mistake. And now you want to tell me to put my trust in 41000 mistakes? No ways. What Mkhondo should have done was to shut up; and leave us all speculating. We know those Mossad spooks helped take out Jonas Savimbi. We know about their reign of terror in Palestine, Iran and Syria and how they love prowling Afghanistan. And such thoroughbreds deserve that dodgy security contract - to protects us from ourselves. Oops I wanted to say to protect the English from themselves.

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3/14/10

NEWS

Sex In The Classroom - A Call for a Truth Commission


We are a nation obsessed with the truths we can handle. We bury under the rubble of patriotism anything that exposes our vulnerabilities like the Ralushai Report on Traditional Leadership, Operation Dribble, Jali and Khampepe Commissions’ findings, Inquiry into Umkhonto we Sizwe Atrocities and Commission of Inquiry into Witchcraft in Limpopo. We settle for forums where liars can perjure and escape like the Desai, Harms, and Goldstone Commissions, SABC Commission of Inquiry into Blacklisting and Related Matters, Hefer and Truth and Reconciliation Commissions etc.

Today in South Africa, especially brazenly so in Bushbuckridge we are faced with teachers who will obstruct any investigation into their sexual conduct with learners. At the same time we are burdened with teacher unions which instruct their members not to co-operate with whoever tries to investigate such atrocities. And then there are learners who are bribed and intimidated not to talk to any investigator about what they see happening in and outside of classrooms. Incidentally, we have School Governing Bodies which are run by political appointees who themselves are often guilty of the same crime or are taking instructions from their political bosses not to act.

On the ‘blamed’ side is the department of education that is incapable and ill-equipped to execute ‘truth’ investigations of this magnitude. South African Council of Educators does not have a lie detector to know if a teacher is lying about his liaisons with learners and its scope is limited. On the final end we have a Jacob Zuma government that is so focused on its own public image that it spends a lot of time and money on PR than investing in the future. The future is education and education is only feasible when learners don’t fall pregnant and drop out, are not abused by teachers and parents and are afforded the best protection by society. Half the abuse happening in black schools will not suffice in hoërskools and where the SGBs are made up of lawyers, accountants and company executives.

The atrocities committed by teachers in Bushbuckridge warrant a commission of inquiry with judicial powers to subpoena and charge people with perjury if they lie under oath. SADTU has shown its unwillingness to discipline its own members and only a process whereby ten years of abuse will be revisited and people punished can remedy this practice with the potential to arrest development. One wonders why would teachers celebrate an own goal when they score with 14-years old girls?

Without any intervention of judicial proportions there is no future for the girl-child. The Cell C Take A Girl-Child to Work campaign, which Zuma takes part in every year is just a futile money wasting exercise because the girl-child is not going to work but to labour.

Any investigation without judicial powers is a mockery and this year arrogant teachers in Bushbuckridge will be impregnating another bunch, it collapses into the social net and the teachers’ own children will be wearing their shiny blazers as they saunter into hoërskools and seminaries in town. South Africa had cold-blooded killers confessing at the TRC; it can’t fail to get confessions from teachers and former learners – for the sake of our future.


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3/8/10

FICTION

The Winnie Mandela Film – Our Shadow Project


I am told that I live in a free country and I am born with a carte blanche to dream. Well, my new below the belt punch or potshot is directed at Darrel Roodt. Not for choosing sultry Jennifer Hudson to play Winnie Mandela because you don’t know what happens behind the curtains of casting suites. She's good as well; she had a small role in Sex And the City as Carrie's PA and was she wow! Instead of griping I decided to do like the Democratic Alliance (in alliance with who exactly?) and put together my shadow cast.

In this shadow cast I am scheming to find small roles for my friends who are in different spectrums of the film value chain because at the end of my rant we must all meet at Nandos and eat. I am scheming to find a directing role for Shaft (needs no introduction), a DOP role for Ntobeko and a production role for Sizwe. But truly my intention is so expose the sham excuse that popular faces of Hollywood stars sell movies while locals don’t. If that was the case they wouldn't have the Razzie Awards there. Henry Cele single handedly sold Shaka Zulu without a Hollywood face. There was a time that Australian actors were perceived to be non-entities until a few cracked the glass ceiling that is Hollywood and won Oscars. They, like our very own Charlize Theron went there to play with the big boys and they played hard. Now, who says the once who are stuck in Egoliwood can’t go there and kick serious butt? How are they going to kick butt when Darrel and Anant don’t want to give them a chance?

Okay, here is my shadow cast which otherwise would do well on my very own shadow script, which of course I am putting together called Exiled - The Winnie Mandela Story.
The role of sultry Winnie Mandela will be played by Moshidi Motshegwa. She is a fine lass with the complexion of the Winnie we saw milking a cow on one of Bra Alf Khumalo's pictures. Just look at the nose and the forehead, vintage Winnie, the one Mandela kept her framed picture in his jail cell.

Controversial lawyer-cum-TV Executive Dali Mpofu will be played by feminine Sizwe Dlomo. The brother looks equally suave and has the kind of trans-sexual humidity that will go well with green ties. And the body structure and designer suits fit them just fine. And I love the complexion -which means minimum make-up except for a pair of spectacles.

Bouga Luv will play Nelson Mandela. He does look like the younger version of the lawyer Madiba and with his level of fitness, the Mandela who posed for a boxing shot will be replicated. I know you are thinking 'nah, Bouga of all people', ja, for real, Bouga will be fine-tuned. Anyway he will only play the younger Mandela and then we will call John Kani to play the older version.
Trevor Manuel will be played by Trevor Noah, not because they are both coloured but simply because if he grew beard, he would look like a younger UDF Trevor. And I understand from my UDF friends that Trevor (whoever) has a sense of humour.

Jay Naidoo will be played by Zola, yeah Bonginkosi Dlamini, we will request Leon Schuster to apply that Indian make-up he loves in his spoofs. We choose Zola because he looks like a crook – the same way Jay looked then and now. Alternatively, given that Zola has a habit of fucking up we might just have Danny K as an understudy.

Zindzi Mandela will be played by Kamogelo Mampe. Don't be puzzled, Zindzi wasn't always chubby. Actually she looked as sultry as the mother. I can imagine her in those olive Cuban fatigues reading a letter from her father in prison.

Xoliswa Falati will be Bonnie Henna. Now you are asking 'who the fuck is that?'. Ja you must be such a kid you need nappies and a lullaby to sleep. Google her. I can imagine her in those Eastern bloc fatigues and demeanour that said, ‘crazy motherfucker’

Stompie Seipei’s role will be given to ?? (do we by any chance have a male version of then 16 years old Pabi Moloi?? - Ja, Jub-Jub when he was advertising Inkomazi) for his curious face. Plus he looks pretty fly, just like the little Stompie who was martyred by a soccer team led by a man who will be played by Vusi Kunene.

For the members of the Mandela Football Club, Winnie’s alleged hit squad we will seek the cast of Yizo-Yizo II, who I reckon Bomb Shelter [o grand joe!] will only be excited to lend.
Abu Barker Asvat will be Danny K, thas if if Zola behaves until the director says 'it's a wrap!'.
And the rest of the bit parts and extras will be sourced from AFDA and University of Johannesburg. That Brandfort house Winnie was exiled will be recreated in Mpumalanga’s township of Kanyamazane. Because I come from Mpumalanga of course and if we had such messed up houses in my township we would have shot there.

And you thought it can be difficult? No ways. Here are the spin-offs; we’ll get to see how Dlomo shags as script treatment don’t tell people how to shag but just that they make love. Nobody says 'pump fifteen times and yawn'. This will be the highlight of the film.

Truly, Darrel doesn’t qualify to tie the shoelaces of this shadow cast. Actually I doubt Jen could click in isiXhosa even if her life depended on it. I mean I have Xhosas for friends but there are times when my click is still dodgy.

And I would shudder to see a situation whereby that film ends up like Mr Drum whereby Taye Diggs as Henry Nxumalo doesn’t utter a single tsotsitaal word like ‘heita’ and Cry Freedom whereby Denzel Washington does not utter a word as popular as ‘mfondini’ which I think Biko would have uttered once even though he was an intellectual.

I can’t wait for the day that a movie is made about Thabo Mbeki, whereby the film ends with him walking out of the main hall at Turfloop after being clobbered by Zuma. I can forsee Kenneth Nkosi playing Zuma, Desmond Dube playing Gwede, Sibongile Khumalo playing Thandi Modise and Derek Luke playing a younger Thabo Mbeki.

Coming soon to your screens. Watch this space

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3/5/10

DIARY

once upon a time

i don't know if this story actually has a beginning since they say 'that which has a beginning has an ending'. i shudder to find its beginning since it simply means that at some stage i will have to find its ending. however it is something that evolves from a poetry workshop in my hometown of bushbuckridge. well, i don't really live in bushbuckridge but it's the town nearest to my township, roughly seven to ten kilometres. at such a distance, which as children me and my cousins we used to cover on foot this small collection of shops qualifies to be my town.

a nubian is sitted in a toyota quantum which's movement i have been monitoring since it left polokwane that morning. of the people i could put names to faces is makosha, david ramakgwakgwa and vonani who together we navigate a vessel called ******.

while the minibus was on the way vonani called to inform me that my story has been published in city press, the mainstay newspaper for darkie intellectuals. he tells me it's a big story, well, i have sent them two stories, one on refugees and one on the american poster boy barack obama. i am happy given that i haven't been sending stuff for a while even though city press used to be my playground.

i borrow the newspaper the minute i come into touch with the folks in the minibus and rush to my story. that is what matters, my story and to see how they edited it. i then give directions to the minibus to find a suitable parking spot next to hall 7, where the workshop will take place. there are some few folks we are waiting for, a group from nelspruit, one from shatale and zolani mkiva.

some hours later the workshop is finished. i have been resourceful to myself, taking pictures and archiving the moment for posterity. what i haven't observed is the plethora of people who are here. now, i have a certain thing about older, more mature women but looking around i don't see anything that tickles my fancy.

my way of life is not to go to workshops looking to be hooked but when the opportunity presents itself who am i to protest. after the workshop we all qeue for lunch which has been well prepared and dished outside the hall. i take my time to eat since i'm on a serious diet and watch what i put in my mouth very carefully. i might be a man but i ascribe to the women slogan, 'a moment on the lips, a lifetime on the hips'.

well, i guess with me it would be a lifetime on the belly. i hate a pot belly, i can't stand it, i can't carry the baggage that comes with it like low self-esteem, jealousy, insecurity and unnecessary suspision. i hate the bulge with all my heart and i dedicate my diet and skipping rope to keeping it away from me. i am also told that it has a reputation to interfere with a man's sexual prowess. all of a sudden a man can't see his dick as the fat swallows a fraction of it. all of a sudden a man can't do some positions as the bulge interferes with his thrusts. for the life of me i can't live if i can't see my dick everyday.

while on the qeue to dish up infront of me is this nubian princess i have observed with serious curiosity. but like all nubians i observe in my millions of travels she has to pass a test. i don't do bimbos, a lesson i learnt form hollywood and the studs who tried to do pamela anderson lee, britney spears and paris hilton. i wonder what's talk like between dumbheads. i am in the media and i hear a lot of shit in a day to last me two lifetimes and i often ask myself why would i want to be stuck with a broad whose trash will require me to mental floss after every encounter?

bimbos out. on the qeue we start to talk. now me and makosha go like a way back when she still had two kids, and the last time i met her she had three. and today she has four, which is fine since earlier i joked with her about whether she was taking god's instruction to fill the world literally. but on sunday sun there is a story of leleti khumalo of sarafina and generation's fame who claims that she's leaving her husband of many years playwright mbongeni ngema.

we start talking about her. my take is that she has met someone and now feels like dislodging. i'm thinking 'come on woman you don't just jump out of a plane without a parachute, no ways'. i also remember that when she married mbongeni he was married to a woman whose divorce became messy. she was cool with it then but now she thinks polygamy sucks. hypocrite.

then the nubian, who has been saying some things earlier about the same story says something that catches my attention. i guess i was saying something about women loving to take shit from husbands for a mere fact that they have been married for a long time and they have kids. the nubian protests saying that the issue is that when you dislodge at a late stage you can't get another man. i protest saying that there are plenty men and she says 'i don't want someone who'll just bonk me for two minutes and leave'. that makes me laugh now because i'm now thinking, not only is she pretty and opinionated but she's crazy too, she's mad as well, she's straightfoward like an arrow.

now i like that in a woman and i seize the moment and say, 'there's nothing wrong with him bonking you for two minutes if he's going to cuddle you afterwards and listen to your dreams and fears'. now i can sense that we are in sync on this one and i feel my heartbeat increasing as my fantasy is coming live.

we dish and when i walk into the hall to eat i notice my colleague, good old lungile sitting down devouring the food with serious zest. i patch myself next to her and start teasing her. the nubian is sitting a few rows from there and yells, 'you see what i was talking about, already you are entertaining another woman'. i laugh since this now feels like pieces of a puzzle falling into place in a big way. i take to my feet to retort while she urges me to sit down where i was, 'come on now, what's i'm having with her is a quickie, for you and i it's mid to long term'. she smiles, wow, she smiled - not just for everybody as she's been doing the whole workshop but for me. something in the back of my mind says ' you could be loved'

after the lunch i meet with her at the door and start a proper conversation since i know you don't find love on punchlines alone. first she's a little cocky as if she's not the one i have been speaking to minutes ago. i love challenges. 'do you write?', i ask her.
'no i don't'
'are you just a fan?'
she tells me she has read my poetry book and i want to know what her impressions of my poetry are. she's diplomatic about it and reserves most of the hard criticism she would otherwise have. i ask her if she writes and she says yes but she never sends her material anywhere else. i tell her we've got a lot to discuss between ourselves and ask for her name. 'alex'
'alex?'
'actually it's alexandrias' she responds. this is the first time i have heard such a name and my suspisions that she might be coming from nubia suddenly hold water. this is place between egypt and sudan and she has eyes like those of the pharaohs.

i pull out my phone and am about to punch in her number when my phone rings. after the brief call i hand over the handset for her to put it there but she opts to call my number instead. 'you have always had my number but you hadn't called' i protest.
'no, i only had it this morning when vonani gave it to me'
'but you haven't called' i added. she smiles like a kid in a sweet store - i love that - it's a good sign.

we have a long chat reveals that she has done a lot of things, among them construction and studying english. she tells me that she's at turf where she's doing an masters. 'masters, why that far?' i ask. now she's puzzled and wants to know why i asked that question. i am stuck, i was just surprised that someone will go that distance and she persists.
'why are you curious?'
'i was in joburg a few weeks ago and and some friend i have not seen in many years when i told him i was doing an ma he asked me the same question and i asked him why that question and he never gave me an answer, and now you are asking me the same question. why ask me that question?'
'i'll tell you when i call you later today'. she's silent and smiles. 'i'm definitely going to call you today'
'to tell me what?'
i tell her i will call to discuss a lot of things like her dreams, her fears, so that some of those dreams can be shared. she's fine.

late at night after a watching the news and other things on television i decide to make the call. one thing i have always loved about me is my ability to keep promises. 'hey, what's up?'
'yeah'. my heart skips a beat.
'it's me goodenough'
'i see'
'how are you?'
'i'm not fine'
'what's wrong now?'
'i have a headache', she responds. i remember an old cure for headaches that i have always trusted. if my headache is a migraine it's because there is an intrusive light at night, a light bulb or something artificial that interferes with total darkness. if it's a headache it's largely dehydration which requires water.
'you should drink lots of water'
i sense that she was sleeping and have to end the conversation with the dosage. immediately after the conversation i write an sms with the dosage.

first thing in the morning i send message to check on her. now she doesn't respond around that time but some two hours later. i raise it as an issue that she woke up at 8h20 and she asks me if it was a train smash. at this stage i'm thinking, if she was 19 i would have said, 'fuck you' because there would be nothing deeper that i can say but given that i'm already impressed i write back 'no it' a plane crash, and the black box is missing'. i figure this must have been a curved ball. we engage in sms during the week, she has piles, goes to see a doctor, she's getting there, she fine, i'm actually getting deep now, i sense that we are together in this, we share dreams, she dreams kinky, i dream something similar but in mine i'm on some cunnilingus, eating her pussy while hugging her thighs and massaging her d-cups. in my dream she's screaming, she foams, creams, bends like a cat and i'm doing an absolute tongue job that makes her scream. well, i share that dream with her.

somewhere in the week we are chatting and she tells me she has a surprise for me. i'm thinking, what an mms of her pussy or her face since i don't have a clear picture of her. then she says she's going to durban and wants to know what i'm doing. my thoughts are like, fuck it, this chick wants to screw me in durbs. i keep options open until i find out that i will be in jozi on some course i need to attend. well i communicate that with but i'm thinking if she's game she must pass through jozi on sunday for a quick shag on her way to durbs.

one of my strengths, i'm past excited and can stay composed even in the face of temptation. i get to my hotel on sunday and relax. after watching the news and carte blanche i go down for a bite and once again we start chatting. she sends a message that 'i'm excited to be here. are you ready for the course tomorrow?' now i'm thinking she's already in durbs and ask as such. no response, but i have gotten used to her no-responses to the point that it's a non-issue.

the following morning i wake up rather early, take a shower and take the taxi to parktown where the course is going to be held. i touch base with mabatho, dintle and gugu who i met the last time i came around. i move into the room where phil molefe will facilitate the course and to meet my classmates. i'm sitting there making friends when, i don't remember that really happened but miracle of miracles, here's alex, in all her glory. i leave my tea take to my feet and give her a tight squeeze. for the first time in my life i'm speechless, i want to kiss her, touch her in all areas and maybe even shag her all in one minute. we talk briefly amid the stares, she makes her coffee, our course is starting and i have to go. i tell her we'll talk during tea time.

as the organisers would have it our breaks are apart and there's no way we will ever talk. just as we walk out at around 17h00 i see her in their shuttle and i try to make contact, to no avail. immediately after the shuttle drove out of the gate i send her a message to alight at parktonian hotel where i'm staying. no feedback.

i get to parktonian minutes later and look for her. she's not there. i then go to my room, relax and send her a message that i'm coming to her hotel. before that i go to pick and pay and buy a family pack of durex condoms. the girls at the kiosk joke that a family pack is for making love for the whole year. i tell them i concur with them and that since they are twelve it's actully one condom a month. the ones i bought however comes with a massage cream, which is a bonus. i ask the girls to give me a plastic bag and they say i should put them in my pocket. i do so and leave.

minutes later i'm at alex's hotel reception and buzz her. she comes down. i'm in a rush, i just want to get to her room, strip her naked and shag her like a mad man then relax and talk sense. alex suggests we sit a little bit as she's got a roommate. we chill a little at her suggestion and i can feel myself losing the plot and suggest that we move to parktonian.

minutes later we are there, in my room and the first thing i do is to go into my room and leave the condoms. i come back and feel the urge to hold her, i do and she's quick to sit me down. 'we need to talk'. yeah, we do talk, the background stuff, who am i, how many children i got, how many wives, what's up with me and the babymama, who is she, how many kids, where's the babyfather. she tells me she's married. fine. we discuss the nitty but all i want is to taste those lips and use my rubbers.

she kisses me occasionally in a kinky manner until i decide to take control and smooch her for real. she says she wants coffee but when i take to my feet to make it she holds me and says we must talk further. i gently pin her to the table and we kiss, i still sense reluctance on her part. we do this in intervals as the power keeps going on and off. at some stage it becomes really heated and i lift her to the bedroom and we sleep on the bed and tongue kiss with so much intensity she challenges me to unbuckle her belt which i oblige. i can feel the moment coming now, i'm looking at my pack of rubbers in the closet, she moans and invites me to poke her. i put my hand under her g-string and reach for her pussy, she's extremely wet and heated. i move my fingers around her clitoris which has swelled, move it down into her wet pussy, it just slides in. he bra had been stripped while we were in the living room and my tongue is sucking on her d-cups, the nipples are erect and my finger is poking her wet warm cunt, she's gasping, i have a serious hard on, my dick is forcing itself out of my pants. she suggests she wants to touch it, she's moaning, she does not want to touch it, in a moment i figure that she doesn't really know what she wants. i continue poking her. my concept is that once she's ready for penetration i will see when she takes off the pants herself. she doesn't get to it but suggests that i should stop. i do.

we move to the living room where she requests i help her with the bra, there's no light and she does it herself. the power is back and we go to the kitchen to make coffee which we drink in the bathroom. we finish our tea there and we walk out at around 21h20. as we walk out we meet some girl from my neighbourhood who makes sure that i see that she noticed us. i chat with her briefly and stroll the city to the hotel where alex is staying.

i rush back, as i enter the gate i see the same woman in her car about to light up and smoke with her two girlfriends. she calls me and we chat briefly as she's interested in knowing in which room am i staying. i tell her to call me about details as i disappear into the room.

the following morning at the iaj i meet alex briefly and that's it. i don't get to meet alex during the day. at the end of the class i get to the hotel and ask her if she has figured the way to my hotel and she says no. i volunteer to pick her again, in my mind this should be the day that she finally trusts me with her nudity. as i come down her street she's meeting me half way and we walk to my hotel. we enter the room, sit down and kiss a little. we watch television and talk a lot about stuff. alex tells me that her brother is going to visit her later in the evening.

we cut to the chase and get into intense kissing, takes off her jacket and we do it so intensely we move to the bedroom and she sucks my tongue so hard with a hunger i have never seen but whenever i reach for her buckle she stops me even though her d-cups are a go area. i move my tongue around her erect nipples. i have the most erect penis i have ever felt in a long while and it's just demanding to be let inside but again i'm waiting for her to make that move. she doesn't but says we should stop. we stop and i move to the kitchen to make coffee.

i go into the bathroom to look at my red eyes and to give them a water treatment and refresh. the coffee is fine and we sit down to sip. minutes later we are back to kissing, mostly because alex seems to be confused about what is it that she actually needs. when she told me that we can't do it for me it was done, there was not going to be any sex or anything resembling it. she's mounting me while i patch my ass on the edge of the sofa, d-cups out she looks edible as i occasionally strokes her breasts and lick them. we have the most intense talk in that position, it lasts for almost an hour, her legs parted, eyes digging into mine and occassional intense kissing. in the heat of one moment she asks me if she should give me a blowjob and given that i have a throbbing erection i say yes, she changes her mind but this time i have already unbuckled my belt and my dick is standing to attention. alex is reluctant as she goes down on it and sucks it with hunger while stroking my balls. now i feel the sensation and it's similar to her caress. she sucks me, i am happy and am enjoying it so much.

she takes to her feet in protest, i reach for her and kiss her gently while she's leaning with the wall, it gets intense and we move back and i want my blowjob, i sit on the handrest of a sofa and she blows me. she stops and says we should stop. i move her next to the desk, to sit her there and maybe go down on her with my tongue if she stips, she refuses. me, the eternal gentleman listens when she says we should stop and even volunteer to buckle her pants which i had undone. i put my dick back into my pants and help her dress up.

her phone rings and she has to go meet her brother two blocks down. we walk out after a brief kiss. along the way she tells me that someone shot pictures of us the day before and she found them in her room. i protests her story and tell her that if she's serious i have a friend who is a spook who can unravel the mystery. we find her brother and i leave them for my hotel.

when i get there i go to dinner and the girl from my neighbourhood wants to know if i'm already gone and i send to her saying 'no, i'm still around'. later i go to my room and sleep.

the following day i only see alex through the window as she goes out to have lunch. she's wearing a nice long dress and boots. i keep looking at her and something tells me she's aware of the view.

i only see her after 16h00 when they walk out, rushing for the shuttle and agree that we'll talk. when i get to the hotel she says she's going to be out with her brother and will buzz when she comes back from eldorado park. at eight i go for dinner, back in my room, take a bath, fetch blankets and lie on the sofa, pass out and wake up at 02h00. i reinforce on the blankets, check my phone for messages then go back to sleep. this is my last day here. i wake up in the morning and send my usual morning message to alex.

i leave joburg for bushbuckridge at 8h35. while in nelspruit she sends a message. later that night we chat. so we do the following day and the day after when she requests me to put together a short story about our exploits. i write the short story while we are having an sms conversation about us, wayforward, what's best for us, are we talking the same language, what language is that, are we for real, is it a game, is it a dream, what do we need to do to make it work?

i finish just after she told me to 'paste' the story instead of making it an attachment. time is 22h28



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