TRU

Once Upon a Time in Jozi
(I Feel like Sh*t)

They used to say it never rains it pours; that’s water for you. But this Sunday was a real screw up. Okay, I’ll relate this very unbelievable story to you.

On Saturday night, after watching the Orlando Pirates vs Santos game at Ellis Park me and friends went to Soweto for a jol. And probably that’s where my problems start.

Sunday: I woke up at 0730 when I was supposed to do so at 0630 for my 1100 flight to Mpumalanga. One of my journo friends came and knocked on my door saying the owners of the guesthouse are already wondering where I am given that I have been an early bird for the past five days.

The thing is; I was feeling dead. The night before at Dlamini (Soweto), at Papi’s Place we emptied two bottles of spirits, just the three of us – me and my two colleagues from KZN. We downed Jameson and Johnnie Walker because the chicks we were trying to chat in the lounge decided to sip Appletiser, suspecting that we were up to no good.

So we left Soweto at 0200, me, the other passenger and the driver drunk like vagrants and got to Observatory by wing and prayer. The two sober guys who have been in the car while we were getting sloshed were quite all the way.

Now when I woke up late it was a result of that night of binging that had one chick saying that she’s not going to be game because me and my friends only started chatting her when Jameson was half-empty. Fine, we were so drunk I don’t think we could have wanked even if it came to that. And she had an ass as big as Table Mountain I kept wondering about where her user manual was.