REAL LIFE

Love it or Hate It?

Ask any guy to list for you , even on a secret ballot two things he'll like to have if you can give them to him immediately. Nine out of ten he'll scribble 'a 17-inch dick and R17 million'. He'll need the 17-inch rod so that whatever he can buy for R17 million he can crucify on his sizeable joystick. Men, like Roman soldiers love crucifying things, one wonders what's wrong with their sense of purpose.

But then there's something very interesting I observed about the whole big dick debate. By the way, mine is bigger than your boyfriend's or yours my friend. What's the point of having a 17-inch rammer when you can't proclaim its superiority when chatting a chick as a way of impressing her? No guy I know would say 'hi, what's up? My name is Calvin, I'm a Scorpio and pack a 17' to maximise his chances at being bedded while he can easily proclaim his 17 millions without fear even though cash is temporary like pimples?

Another fact, while men aspire to be massively endowed, they usually attribute a big dick in a fit of jealousy to people they don't like. Is it because chicks also never tell how big a rod they like but always say average while they buy wrist-size dildos and vibrators?

Usually a guy who don't like a certain tribe will accuse the guys of that tribe of having an oversized dick. Why attribute something you want with all your soul to people you don't like? Would you accuse people you dislike of having R17 million or owning Hummer H2s? Imagine saying to a chick, 'I don't like Mapulanas because almost all the guys have Hummer H2s'. But you can easily say 'I don't like the Naijas because they have big dicks', this at a time when you are looking for one yourself.

When in the pursuit for a 'big car' men can't stop to think about the size of the garages where they intend to park those huge animals. Usually the sods out to buy a size are porn-addicts.

They can't think about the fallacy of the Terminator's big gun which doubles as a rocket launcher and fire extinguisher. They will look at Schwarzenegger spraying eternal mercury slugs at cyborgs and say 'this is not real, there's no gun this big or effective'. This they say because they have a holstered 9mm Glock which the guy would not trade for the one he sees on tv, which seems to have more impact.

When watching a movie a man will tell you that the antics whereby a soldier dies within a second of being strangled by Chuck Norris are impossible, 'in real life people take time to die, this is just a film man' they argue.

If you can't believe action films why then believe that porn films are real? Why can't you relegate the gonzo you watch to make-believe the same way you do Rambo movies? Precisely, why go around looking for a big dick you saw on tv and not that big Terminator gun you also saw on tv?

Why don't you ask yourself what the 40-odd plus people whose names roll at the end of the porn movie were doing if it was just about two people bonking? Doesn't that tell you that it's also make-believe since at the end of an action movie you have 400 plus people's names rolling? In your right mind do you see yourself screwing a chick for 40 minutes without her becoming dry or you sweating blood or fracturing your backbone due to exhaustion? Funny enough, you don't even ask yourself why don't the girls in porn movies cum from the robust thrusting that makes them cream.

So, you are not an action hero, that's why you don't have a gun bigger than Terminators. For you to bonk successfully you don't even need a third person present but you want to emulate the antics of two people paid to make you spend money to see them act and later collect the paycheque.

It's okay, go for the R17 million and love your fallus - as it is.