PERSPECTIVE

HANDBAG POLITICS

Some time ago I challenged two women I greatly admire to indulge me and write an essay revealing what is it they hide in their handbags. I wanted to discover where were they storing those items before the handbag made a comeback some few years ago. To really take it back, this handbag fad is a hippy (1960s) era accesory, when lovers of peace, love and happiness stored unlit spliffs, illicit pills and miniature red or green books to capture down punchlines from younger Geronimo Pratt (now Jigaga) (1947 - ), Bobby Seale (1936- ), Dr Huey P Newton (1942 -1989), Martin Luther King (1929-'68) and Malcolm X (1925 -'65). They wrote the quotes down through many generations and would read them loud over long smoking sessions serenaded by karaoke artists miming Louis Armstrong'(1901 - '71)s What a Wonderful World or Curtis Mayfield (1942 - '99)'s We're a Winner.

Now that we living in a different era the reality has also changed. Most of the revolutionaries I mentioned are dead or have conformed. George Clinton's parliament funk has been replaced by Kanye West's sampling of a Mayfield song; fake Mzansi revolutionaries are unashamedly fighting for the National Lottery cake while the poor people starve; plastic revolutionaries like Bolivia's Evo Morales and Venezuela's Hugo Chavez are busy playing to a Hollywood script; Iran's Mahmoud Ahmadinejad still needs to be verified by the South African Bureau of Standards (SABS) as quality. I wanted to know what is it in the ladies' bags that warrants so much privacy that everytime we go out on dates she will say, 'excuse me. I got to make a turn at the ladies'', grab her bag and inconvenience me and the waiter.

When I sent out this challenge I thought the sisters would get down and bruise their fingers trying to unravel the mystery for the male Kasiekulture fans. I'm now reporting that ony one of the two sent me something which, with the benefit of hindsight - is not publishable. Not publishable because while I didn't expect to be lectured about how house music managed to replace techno, or how R.Kelly keeps getting it right everytime he walks into a studio - but the contents communicated to me were dull and get a disappointing two fat lips.

I'm now tempted to pass over the challenge to this other sister by another mother born into another race who I know for a fact that she keeps a pack of Dunhill filters, a zippo, Tampax tampons, cellphone, red lipstick, business cards, cotton swipes, toothpick, dental floss, pepper spray, earbuds, spare keys, Vaseline Blue Seal, miniature mirror with eyebrush, credit card, ID, peppermints, cologne, two scented Durex condoms, a tiny diary and a red pen. She calls her handbag 'the organisation'. When I communicated to her my disappointment with my Black sistas for their failure to act right she offered to pick the buck.

Her conditions were simple; she wanted to know what is it that men keep in the cabins of their cars to the point where six out of ten they are locked all the time. Well, I told her I don't know much about married men but can speak for boyfriends and babyfathers. Be assured, they don't keep drivers' licenses there, that is why traffic officers say immediately they ask for your license and you open the cabin they immediately know that nine out of ten you don't have it or have left it at home.

A quick survey of sixteen cars I conducted revealed the following contents; photographs (girlfriend or child), condoms (Choice or Lover's Plus), perfume (the same brand used at home), letters (cellular providers' bills, bank or insurance), a porn DVD (mixed race), sunglasses (for the times when the eyes are dilated), pen and pad (to capture bank account details of bribery-prone traffic officers), ready-made ganja zol (for the long drives), a steel teaspoon (the occasional Danone), plate (party time), glass (booze), and many other miniature items. You won't find a Blackberry, USB stick or a digital camera there; those are fancy tools for immedate charm.

Even after these findings I still wonder why I needed a sista from another race to solve this riddle when I've got millions of Black sistas all over the world. Is it a self-esteem issue? I trust not.

Now tell us; what is it that you put in your handbag (or cabin)?. Share it with Kasiekulture.

* PS. The richest non-worker in the world arrived in the United States this week. And if you know what's in Queen Elizabeth Windsor's handbag, please spill the contents.