In Loving Memory

On the second week of January my three years old nephew passed away in a car-accident in Kokstad. For the first time in my life I realised that I am human and am able of being shocked and traumatised. I'm not yet fine but in the heat of the pain I managed to write this poem. Hoping it can be your comforter as well in your time of need, when you remember those who never made it home.

arrested development
(for reatlegile mashego
2006.04.09 to 2009.01.10)

butterfly kisses’ be your uncle’s lullaby
cuz tonight i’m not ready to say goodbye
mchana let’s call this a farewell
in my mind you ain’t gone nowhere
you still here i’m still here together we here
it’s only distance between us that robs us of hugs
would let go of your mortality & hold on to memories
if memories multiplied were equivalent to your smile
you not eternal in my epidermis but every breath i take
you’re forever you ain’t a tattoo you’re a star in the sky

butterfly kisses’ be the last song i hear
you sucking your thumb boy
wonder what pleasure you drew there
what’s good for the goose can’t be good for the gander
the nectar in your finger is but the fuel of our puzzle
when kids’ journeys get interrupted my demeanor shifts to self-death
where’s the glory in staying when my nephews are leaving
nobody should see they end in they nappies
let them sin first give them reason to perish
we want reasons to understand why the thief steals @ night

i no longer treasure memories like a poem i wrote
i hug tips of bleeding pens for they carry my pain
worship ink on white pages it exorcises my demons
shed not tears for children who die without a cause
rather massage my misery with Vaseline like a scar on my face
i’m still the son of Jehovah believe in eternal life
look forward to paradise though my life defies resurrection
my heart can’t stop beating ‘til i wave a white flag
i ain’t got a white flag so i’m living forever

yours mchana is arrested development
it’s prune them while they still young
the only way to kill a nation is to snuff out its babies
a spanner thrown in the works to stop a wheel from turning
a journey interrupted in obvious fear of the future
yesterday i looked @ your small shoe nearly shed a tear
this morning i woke up to polaroids of your last stay in the morgue
you didn’t look @ peace though they say you rested
i took a look @ what you left though you had nothing
you’re the son of your uncle you’re the beat of my heart

butterfly kisses’ forever echo in my heart
it’s not a song i’m singing but an ode to a beloved
it’s early days this is just how i’m feeling right now
letting go never my priority but i’m losing a lot
life is a casino you never win forever gamble
that which we love get taken away
that which we hate get multiplied by seven
smiles on pictures are the jewel we treasure
times shared in the living are the wealth we keep
hoping someday somewhere somehow we meet again

PS. Today I saw your Death Certificate
wonder why cuz you’ve been taken by the designs of man

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