A Tribe Called Afrikaner

Lately I have been obsessising with Afrikaners, South African's number 10 tribe and my favourite. They have interesting folks who make a career out of fighting for their rights; to be excused from many of the whips that have been adopted by the African National Congress government to 'redress past imbalances' like Affirmative Action and Black Economic Empowerment. But they shouldn't stress a lot on BEE because it is benefitting no black person but only a few people - both black and white who are connected to the ruling party. I am black but I am still to clinch my first BEE deal.

My point of interest with the Afrikaners lately has been my realisation that they are one hefty brand that needs its own advertising agency to market. When they make noise you'll think they are about ten million even when it's only AgriForum, Solidarity and Freedom Front Plus making that noise. You can never go wrong on a Afrikaner account I am telling you; since they have their own books and authors, magazines, musicians, films, newspapers, radio stations and channels on television - not even 11 million Zulus have such.

For all you know they have a Bantustan (oops! Volkstad) called Orania where I'm told by a reliable source that bestiality and incest are the order of the day and nobody reports it to nobody.

Anyway how did they think they'll cope (without being COPE) in some god-forsaken Vrystaat dorpie without the majority horny population which they left for their 'Vaderland'. A Vaderland without a police force or army but a bunch of disgruntled farmers and their families. It's like some sick joke of a Gaza Strip inside South Afrika (with all due respect for the 1.4 million Palestinians and their struggle for self-determination).

Afrikaners are quite an interesting brand of (f)volk - like I said pretty difficult to manage if you are a brand manager who has to commute to Orania every second week to study behaviour patterns. How do you market a community full of incest and bestiality and living in a cave?

For over 40 years Afrikaners have voted into positions of power racists, religious extremists/ fanantics and moderate sell-outs like FW de Klerk but when time came for them to exercise their options and elect into an inclusive government non-racial, secular democrats they chose to abstain and rather evoke the spirit of vanguished and very dead General De La Rey. That left many people puzzled why would a proud volk find favour in a dead soldier when many capable Afrikaners are still breathing and own large tracts of land?

If the General was ever a model leader without being ultra-nationalist like equally vanguished Afrikaner Weerstand Beweging's bearded leader Eugene Terreblanche, then maybe their nostalgia has a solid home. But history tesifies that the Boers have always been a polarised bunch - settlers and natives, Anglo and Boers, Republicans and Unionists etc. In the '70s and '80s they swelled the ranks of the army because that's where they could 'locate' (not discover) {like some piece of Lego missing from a puzzle} themselves among their own volk, eating boerwors, chewing hide-tough biltong, poitjiekos and singing Die Stem van Suid Afrika without needing to add the Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika verse. And when it's time for them to learn Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika they manage to negotiate that darkies should still sing Die Stem as well - how corky.

They've always been Springboks (ask Luke Watson), securocrats (let's be honest, the Truth and Reconciliation Commission was actually meant for them), farmers and housewives. The housewife mentality comes from the time of the Laager (Voortrekker Era) when the women were the ones feeding single-shot rifles gunpowder while the men annexed the Transvaal from the comfort of the Ossewa with 22 mounted horsemen. Today I look at the Transvaal and how massive it is and I wonder how can anyone, Lord Kitchner or the Boers can claim to have conquered an area this imposing without setting foot on it but just the shoe of a horse.

I love Afrikaners with all my heart, but I wonder why are they so silent these days?


  1. Anonymous4/19/2012

    u can put it anyway u want but the afrikaaner still have much more manners and humanity than the local kassi resident who shits on his own porch and when he steps in it he shits in his pants about it , or if they don't like something they simply burn it down including their own schools and books , have u ever seen a afrikaner dancing in front of their schools white burning ? or standing in front of people with their finger in their nose ? exactly so before pointing fingers ,look at your own kassi first and leave the freestate matters where it is !

  2. Ag shame Anonymous. You need to get the hell out of your ossewa and smell the coffee. You don't know the first thing about Black people like me except for the few who probably work your garden (or farm) and fell into the cracks created by volks like you. You still holding on to the old stuff you were taught at primary school about Black people. I don't know any Black person who ever burned a school and for your information my kasie is two hundred times more vibrant than Orania since we don't legitimise incest in the name of national identity. Smell the coffee broer!


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