Next time you see an insultingly yellow or red Hummer H3 with 22 inch chrome hydraulic tyres cruising down your block with the numberplate KANJALO MP look very carefully becuase it's probably me and Kwaki on a jolly spin. Now, either the damn pimped motherhummer is rented from this executive car rentals that only lend to BEE types with sizeable pot-bellies that swallow their dicks and leave them with tender-laden egos. Well, me I'm working on my six-pack, which is shit I can't optimistically say about Kwaki given that the last time I saw him he was biting on toxic chrome and licking his lips over a fat cake...oops, fat lady (in construction).
Okay, I'm getting ahead of myself, let me slow down a little bit. If we will be owning the Hummer it will be proceeds from two strokes of copyrighting genius for a campaign on a milk called XX - the taste of freedom. Target market; government functions and offices. XX stands for Former Exiles. The concept we'll pitch at Ogilvy which's shareholders include Gauteng's First Lady Her Royal Highness Mrs Wendy Luhabe, 2nd time First Lady Her Royal Highness Mrs Graca Machel (oops I nearly said Mandela) and heavyweight undisputed Jack of All Trades Sir Moss Mashishi.
The Hummered concept is a killer hey, I would have allowed Kwaki to share it with you but I don't believe in brainstorming (though we chiselled it together and we both claim joint copyright).
This part is filmed in grainy black and white;
CAMERA ONE (long shot): You see a group of young people in school uniform running, looking all tired and often falling down
CAMERA TWO (long shot): You notice that they are approximately seven of them and one of them, the last one on the line, the one who fell and they had to wait for while they gasped for air is a young lady of about 14
CAMERA THREE (long shot): Now you see them from the back and you get to see a razor wire fence, a border fence ahead of them.
CAMERA ONE (close up): We are struck by the smile on the face of the leader as he sees the fence and reaches for a pair of wire cutters
CAMERA TWO (close up): Now we see the cutters ripping a whole on the fence as the six are looking on gasping for air and sweating.
CAMERA THREE (close up): We see the bunch from the other side of the border as they sneak through and wait for each other. Then we see the seventh one being reluctant to cross. This is an emotionally charged scene to the point that it can be titled Cry The Beloved Country.
CAMERA TWO (medium shot): We see the sadness on the faces of the six. Then the remaining student pulls out a pint of XX milk and says 'something to remember me by', before he takes a photo of the six.
CAMERA ONE (medium shot): We see the six taking rushed sips and staring at the carton like those Conans on Black Label ads.
CAMERA TWO (medium shot): The seventh one prepares to go back and we see the leader handing over the carton and saying 'keep it chilled, 'til we come back comrade'
(Twenty years later) This part is filmed in full colour;
CAMERA ONE (medium shot): We see this pot-bellied middle aged man sitting in his majestic office that looks like real government bureaucratic enclaves. There's that colourful flag at the corner and his dark suit is hanging there.
CAMERA TWO (long shot): A PA walks in with a tray filled with a teapot, some china cutlery, sugar and powdered milk. The bureaucrat who we now see who it was from a framed picture he has on his desk which was shot at the border in 1976 says, 'forget the powder, bring me XX'.
CAMERA THREE (close up): the PA opens a cabinet and reaches for a carton of XX which she hands over to the man.
CAMERA ONE (close up): the man opens the carton and pours the contents into the cup then his tea and sugar.
CAMERA TWO (p.o.v): he stirs gently and takes a sip. He's satisfied and sighs as he reaches for the framed sepia picture, 'aaghhh, the taste of freedom'
Then we have the signature tune from Rebecca Malope, Buyani Ekhaya and some title 'XX the true feeling of home'
Viola, and you swear you never knew how Kwaki and myself financed the Hummer?