OPINION

WHERE'S THE LOVE?


Some time ago I was asked what was to be the simplest but which to me on the day became a difficult question, "you seem to be a good person, which is a feminine trait. What quality did you inherit from your father?". I remember that I kept staring at the ceiling, scrubbing my head and finally responded, "nothing, son-of-a-bitch was never there for me". That was such a rude thing to say about another man, being a man too, but I knew it was something deserved by him and those like him. I suddenly felt relieved, and I knew I should have said those words a long time ago. Although it wasn't wholly the truth, it was however accurate since I didn't know what it was that I might have inherited.

At the time it was the only thing that I could say to relieve the load off the shoulders of women who raise kids alone because the father decided to be invalid. Nothing hurt me like the one time I went shopping with my friends and they were buying stuff for their fathers whilest I envied their enthusiasm. All I knew was that at home we didn't have an animal called father. It was the one pet my family failed to domesticate.

There is no painful trauma equal to when a child realises that daddy is not coming home anymore after giving them an impression that he was always going to be there for them. It thus raises one of the oldest questions, of whether fathers, like mothers, women and lovers deserve to have their own day, something dedicated exclusively to them? I say not until they start to act responsibly. Today is Father's Day and I'm not observing it regardless of being a father. Some time ago I though a time will come that I'll understand why some men find it easy to make babies and leave a young mother to be a father-figure. Today I'm still puzzled.

In all social fairness I must admit there are men who try to be responsible fathers, who scrub themselves to be there for their children. Some who, for either reason are denied access by the mothers and the courts. Which raises yet another question; if you really want something, can you fail to get it? How low is a man prepared to sink to express his perseverance in cases of forbidden love? How many fathers are prepared to kidnap their children across seas? How many are prepared to take down the whole justice system if that was the last resort?.

How many fathers can actually look their love-children in their eyes and say, "I have tried"?. If you are a father and you couldn't count yourself in to all the questions asked, then you don't deserve to breathe. I, the scorned love-child father of my daughter advises you to commit suicide and absolve yourself of guilt because quite frankly, you are beyond redemption.

A very sad pattern is playing itself out worldwide. It is not only South Afrikan fathers who make babies and later abandon them. It is not only black fathers, but as a black man I can speak better for a people I know well. Most black fathers sucks. Films about black Americans, for a reason known to the producers also reflect this sad reality. From Boyz n ha Hood to Juice to almost all of them.

The main reason why children in puberty, mainly boys, loathe their fathers has got nothing to do with Oedipus complex as Freud and his gang would like you to believe. Young boys grow up watching their fathers bossing their mothers for a simple reason that she is a helpless housewife whose whole life depends on his existence. She's so dependent on him it actually hurts the young boy to watch. Hating to end up like daddy dearest, he decides to hate him as a cushion against being tempted to act like him. Fathers need to help their sons break the cycle of abuse, they must attend bonding sessions with them, go on boyscouting, fishing trips and teach them correct cultural etiquette and behaviour.

"Son of a bitch was never there for me", I said it and I guess I'm not alone in this gender self-hating sentiment. I said it then, especially for all my sisters who are forced to depend on welfare to raise kids. I will say it everytime someone asks me the same question, because with no panted dude to lecture me how to propose to girls, to use condoms & to tell me something good when I had my first wet-dream (which was rather confusing) I was afraid I would end up as a she. Inorder to avoid the mishap, I taught myself everything I know, the good and the bad. I became self-made just because the father chose not to be there.

But to those fathers who are there for their children, who realise that any man with a penis and a good sperm count can make a baby, but it takes a real man to be a father. you guys are role models and deserve an excellent Father's Day full of cigar smoke. Hola.