"Our Father who art in blogosphere/ Hallowed be thy name.../Forever and ever/ thy noble servant, David Bullard"
TIME Magazine Newsmaker of the Year last year was you, currently sitting infront of the monitor, and you fellow blogger for having seized the superhighway of information and opened more channels of communication. This is socialism at its best. So successful have ordinary folks been to the extent that Technocrati, that ever vigilant blog-sniffer last weekend flashed a healthy 71 million. And when K9 says it's a fact, then you bet it's a fact. Personally I know of two more that got created yesterday.
These are 70 million 999 999 more people that an old man with a cigar dangerously caught up in a time warp, paranoid of the future and sitting in some air-conditioned office at Rosebank hoping tomorrow never cums (afraid of its bloggerous offspring) and named David Bullard.
Sometimes to respond to ignorant folks like Bullard who (admittedly) spent a lonely afternoon browsing through blogs is like pulling a balancing act between two skycrapers on a plank. That's why they say 'be careful of the little man, because he's not got nothing left to lose since he lost his greatness already'. His analogies about playing air guitars explicitly sells off the story of an era from which he comes from. Poor Bullard is still caught up in the karaoke era (when real guitarists used to smash guitars) while today the buzzword is Q-Base. Wake up grandpa the train is leaving in three minutes.
However a few important notes that came out of the column. Old people (antique furniture) are finally acknowledgeding the existence of blogging as a communication tool. While wrongfully thinking that every blogger aspires to be a columnist, his observation is a feather on the cap of TIME and the scrofolous nerds who have finally caught his fading attention.
Bullard does so by decrying the simplicity of blogging which unintentionally insults the little publishing stages him and his peer group have come to master so well. They heard some blogger shouting 'out with litho, in with blogging' and they panicked because they can't imagine what they'll do with the billions worth of multicolour presses stashed in over-guarded basements. To them it's like losing their virginity for the second time, unfortunately this time not on a haystack but on a toilet seat.
It's hard times Mr Bullard, we don't take kindly to old folks who play air tenor saxophone because old horses are beyond being taught new tricks. Your confession of lost rock & roll glory is narcissim at its worst, worse, while bleeding a chihuahuas ears. Come brag to us about having mastered Q-Base and Fruity Loops and we'll make you an honorary blogger (with your own three step blog called 'convertedcolumnist') and a SAMA (Oops! this is an award they give to musicians in South Afrika).
I like the old man writing there are more wackos like that boy in Virginia Tech on blogosphere. That's precisely the point behind this whole exercise (exorcise). If that muthafucka had an angry blog somehow, we hope his victims would have been saved, including him because he'll be one of the racists that you (Bullard) mentioned in your column, who don't deserve long jail terms but therapy.
And then you claim they are folks who don't have girls to sleep with. Ah, I don't know but I'm told that on cold winter nights a palm works better than a punani because one can blog the whole night without being called to cuddle a non-blogger for the sake of heat as if she saw a label on his forehead reading 'Colibri'.
But all in all Bullard's piece was brilliantly written, especially for two good points. If Mafube Publishing honcho Thami Mazwai came out and said a single sentence with the word 'blog' he would have done more good than a column published in a massively read Sunday newspaper. If holy-cow Nelson Mandela criticized South African blogs as being out of touch with our socio-political reality he too would have killed more litho printers than the number of new bloggers encouraged by Bullard's rant on May 06, 2007. That meaning; no publicity is bad publicity. Thank you Mr Bullard, now let's spark that Cuban.
Finally, as my fellow bloggers did immediately after smelling Bullard's vomit, this is my belated comment. Hoping Bullard the insulting-columnist knows, '71 million people can't be wrong'. We are so big man, we don't have time to mess around with little chihuahuas, it's called animal cruelty.
If in any national elections we were allowed to vote as a block (blog) anywhere in the world we would change all governments and give every child born an Identity Blog (IB) instead of a green barcoded ID, including you Sir (imagine www.bullardblog.co.za). In the meantime, memorise that prayer.
* There were serious comments on Bullard's insulting piece. For more go to www.amatomu.com and www.afrigator.com
Here are some of the links:
Hmmmm - so the bulldog has hit his air keyboard sooner than I expected... welcome to the blogsphere Mr Bullard! (Thanks to Peak People)