OPINION

"WHAT'S BEEF?"

"My life I lived searching for love but got blasted like a hood
What's love got to do with a slug in my chest
How many layers of betrayal did I have to peel through
'fore I unearthed the real meaning of life & reincarnation
my wasted life help gossip mongers exercise they jaw muscles
got told today you wrote me a poem hope it helps you knock some cash
learn a lesson from my demise & capitalise, never cry for me
for my wasted life is coming soon in a poetry journal" -a wasted life (JOURNEY WITH ME)

(Sin 12/Take 7)
In this devil-directed script of life, friends are like best-supporting characters. They are the guy who’s always next to the starring. Difference is that in movies it is usually the friend of the starring that dies, but this is a script, not a movie; maybe live theatre.

To be blunt, the role played by these supporting characters is that of post-mortem antagonists. Meaning in life you only realize your friend was never really your friend only when you are chilling six feet beneath the hypocrisy. That’s where you get to appreciate the fact that life is one big act, and you have been played. In the words of slain rapper cum video-cameo actor, Notorious BIG, "niggaz is actors/ they deserve Oscars." I totally agree coz these egos play both hero and villain. Like in Dan Brown’s novels, the killer is always the ego willing to help.

Take for instance, the other day in May some years ago. My Mmata-my-friend told me that he would be out of town for a week on some job-hunting expedition and I felt very happy. His uncle had fixed him an appointment with some managers out of town. He stood a chance to be employed in the space of a week. I wasn’t supposed to be happy – we were both unemployed – but damn I was. You know that we are never really happy when our friends are about to succeed. But on that day in May I happened to be extremely happy. I didn’t feel that evil little flush of jealousy that we hate to feel when our friends find a way to defeat frustration (poverty and loneliness).

You definitely know what I’m taking about, right? Remember that ever-suppressed evil side of yourself that can’t help but smile or laugh at your friend’s blunders? Ja, like when your friend has suffered major rejection or they are about to have an unplanned baby which they in fact can’t afford. Seriously, when friends triumph we feel bitter, when they crumble we feel better. What are our shoulders for, anyway?

However, that day in May I took my friend’s good news with a genuine smile, and a flush of joyous orgasm. Good friend? Never that? You can understand we were both unemployed, and he was a few days from getting a job. So why the hell wasn’t I acting like a real friend, jealous? Simply because in my evil mind I was busy changing pens re-writing the real movie scene that should never be written by friends – Sin 12. I smiled because in my evil mind I was spinning the cam-coder doing close-up shots. Of what? It was my naked self dancing with my friend’s naked girlfriend, under the umbra of altra-violet light. I was mentally zooming on her breasts as my hands tore her kanga off in a squirt of passion while she tore my undies off while my dear naïve friend was out of town.

As soon as my friend headed home to prepare his upcoming trip, which was to be the next day, I shook my head in disbelief. How could I have such evil intentions against my homey? What kind of ego am I? I asked. An ego, I answered. I thought Oh Lucifer! I’m such a snake. And indeed I am.

Here’s what you need to know, if more than anything. I am a snake. A deadly venomous Human Cobra. I bite and betray. I do not hesitate to stick my fatal fangs into my friends’ heels. Watch out, I am a danger to friends, a snake that looks nothing like it. Maybe the difference is because I brush my fangs; swallow mint to conceal the snake breath, put on cologne to ward off traces of snake odour. Did I mention that my fangs are rimmed with gold courtesy of the dentist? I can bite you once and put you in the grave. I am a pretender who can’t help but hide his venom from those deluded by our idea of friendship.

I am a snake that posthumously acclaimed actor/singer (who fucked Biggie’s wife) Tupac Amaru Shakur warned you about when he crooned, "Keep your enemies close/ nigger watch your homeys." Remember the twisted story of Judas?

I want you to know that I just don’t envy you for your girlfriend – I envy you for everything you have and every thing you have the potential to have. All I really want is to be above you and I want you to be below me. I want all the good things in life to reach me before you, so you can kiss my ass, not the other way round.

Have you never ever felt me hissing or rattling? Remember that I am constantly criticizing you, ignoring your opinion while finding ways to make it mine. Can’t you notice I always talk about myself when we hang out? Why do you think I do that? Isn’t it that I put me first before you, even at your girlfriend’s vagina? That’s what society has done to us, mpitsi. You know that even our parents have provoked the snake within at times. "Look at your friend, he’s better than you." Is he? Not if I bite his ass to death. I ponder to myself without telling my parents what’s on my evil mind.

This evil is everywhere you go. In every neighbourhood, you have neighbours being jealous of neighbours. You have pastors being jealous of other pastors. Even Jesus of Nazareth himself warned us to be as wise as snakes. Do you feel my wisdom? Do you realize that the greatest back-stabbers on earth (and in heaven) are friends? I’m talking close friends.

The Human Cobra is the most subtle and venomous of them all. I’m the primordial snake and you are Adam – what do you suppose I will do to Eve?

You need to understand that the ego you call your mpitsi gazi is the one acting out scenes of betrayal in his mind everyday. Of course I will deny this, and being stupid you will accept my denial and raise my babies while thinking they are yours. Blame competition. I’m a competing snake, and I can’t allow any snake to outbite me. I have to be # 1, no matter what. Even at the expense of your very life. Think me, think Othello. I don’t just possess potential to Othello you out, but I hold the very luciferian prerogative.

Don’t be like others, see the snake coming (on your girlfriend). Put an immediate end to your naïveté. If it means you have to be paranoid from today, then paranoia is the best armour against clandestine paramours. I know that snakes cheat and lie but today I’m telling you the truth. "Can the devil speak truth?" Ask Banquo. Truly, I have felt the friend-seeking poison and fang whirl inside me every time I exchanged a glance with your lover. She is a snake too. You could be a snake as well, who knows? Maybe I’m just your fellow snake. You too could be secretly biting me, but don’t underestimate my cobrahood, I can have you othelloed any second.
My point is that whenever you are far away don’t be afraid to suspect my ass on top of your girlfriend’s. That’s what I did to my best friend’s woman while he was out of town trying to get a job. And you know what? That evil ever-suppressed smile visited the corners of my mouth when Mmata-my-friend returned a week later still unemployed. I hugged him and said, "It’s gonna be alright," while deep down I felt great. I was glad we were just the same – we had no jobs, and shared the same pussy. His failure to score a job disappointed my parents who were quick to point out that my friend was better than me because he was trying.

By the time Mmata-my-friend reads this I will no longer be his friend since I never was. It was all an act. I was just testing how far I was in this competitive game called life. Don’t dare forget that children of the devil do as their father does. We can’t help it. Not even prayer can remove our jealousy, coz soon you’ll find that we are now competing about who’s praying better than the other. We are crooked and nothing can make us straight. Remember that Jehovah and Lucifer used to be homeys? That’s until Jehovah returned from the holy mount to find that two thirds of his cherubs were sucking Lucifer’s dick. Don’t be fooled, the devil walks around like a lion-snake, seeking whom to bite.

Let me put this on my forehead: CAUTION: HUMAN COBRA ON THE LOOSE. If you fail to see the snake in me, you will fail to crush my head, but yours I will. Don’t expect me to change, I’m just playing my part, like my forefathers did. Like Lucifer did. Don’t let my smile fool you. The devil comes as an angel of light. In the words written in sacred papyri: Woe unto the inhabitants of Friendship, the actor has come down upon your girlfriends, and he has but a few takes.

It’s about time that you recognize your award-winning friends. Or else, by the time you wake up to smell the semen, the credits will be going up. And director will scream, "Cut! It’s a fucking wrap!" – 4kof Satan